Monday, February 9, 2009

The "joys" of being me.

Well, it's been one of those days for me. I woke at 10:00 AM in exceptional pain, so I took the appropriate pills to handle that. While they tend to work in approximately an hour, I waited two to be sure taking a shower wasn't an extra painful experience. It's more than the pain of being on two bum feet for an extended period, but the added joy of neuropathy pain. On top of that, the plumbing in my apartment has been acting odd of late, and on chilly days, the shower tends to produce water that's barely warm. It's usually just cold enough to cause me neuropathy pain when I get in.

Upon getting my act together, I prepared to head for my PCP. It was more than refill time for my meds. Today's medical adventure included the removal of the toenail on my left big toe. Since last removed, it refused to grow back properly. This time it was to be completely removed, nail bed and all. This pesky nail won't be growing back...ever.

But before I headed out, I checked my finances. Joy of joys, I have $54.12 in the bank. The $20 I had in my wallet was spent on the way home on silly things, like food and cat litter.

Thanks to the weather, which includes lots of clouds and rain that's been on and off all day, the trip to the doctor was extra painful, despite the fact that I take painkillers stronger than 10 men. The doc also felt the mysterious urge to show me his work when he was done removing the nail. From that moment, all the way home, right up until now, as I type, I am experiencing nausea from the sight.

While I was there, I asked about antibiotics. The doctor said no to the idea, despite the fact that I have a history of getting infections from open wounds easily. I even offered him the opportunity for me to receive an intramuscular shot of Ancef. Nope. Request denied. So while I struggle to keep this thing clean, I fully expect an infection to settle in and make me more miserable than I already am.

Just prior to this little procedure, I reminded him that I need a refill on one of my painkillers. I last filled them on 22 January 2009; it was a quantity of 180 tablets, with a dose of two tablets taken four times a day. That's eight tablets a day. The result is that I had a 22.5 day supply. I will run out on Thursday. Despite the fact that math doesn't lie, the doc seems to think that he gave me a 30 day supply. He told me I should simply take six per day, and my response was, "Sure. I'll just stop being in pain spontaneously." He didn't like me saying that, and as a kind of punishment, wrote a new prescription that was a higher dose, but half the pills per day.

The total of medication I'm currently at is 60 mg. per day. That's of the narcotic component, which is the only thing that's effective against my pains, specifically my neuropathy. Mind you, on my last visit to the doctor, I practically begged him to let me take a non-narcotic for my neuropathy, instead of reaching for these heavy-duty drugs when it acts up. He denied me that request, as well. So now I'm going to have to do with only 40 mg. per day to cope with my pain.

So this has turned into one of those days, where I'm in more pain than usual, with the bonus of nausea because my doctor thought it would be amusing to show me the destroyed toe, more happiness with the doctor as he refused to listen to me when it came to my pain management, (and actually walked away from me while I was talking to him), and the ongoing thought that I know have $54 to get me through until the 3rd of next month.

If not for my amazing friends at GitP, as well as a few select others, I would surrender to the fact that this isn't living; it's existing, which is no fun at all.

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