Wednesday, April 29, 2009

How about an "in character" post?

Howdy, all. The name's Preston...Henry Preston. I'm a mutant residing in Paragon City, RI, also conveniently known as the City of Heroes. Glancing at me in a charcoal grey suit, plum shirt, and crimson tie, you'd never know the awesome power that resides within me. I wear dark glasses to hide the starlight glow from my eyes when I'm in my civvies. Why advertise, right?

I'm the proud owner of Preston Corp. Industries, bringing "Tomorrows advances today!" It's mine...mostly. I've managed to keep only my kids as the board of directors. All two of them. My son, Gary, (AKA: Gamron), wants to take the company global. He's looking into realty in Japan, India, Germany, and Ireland. What can I say? He's a trust fund baby with billions at his fingertips, and his sister, Katie, (AKA: Krispy Katie), is cheering him on.

But we have problems right here at home, and the three of us are always shedding our "costumes" to don out real work clothes. Personally, I like ditching the board room to hit the streets as the one and only ADJECTIVE-NOUN!

Okay...Not nearly as impressive as some of the other heroes flying, leaping, teleporting, and speeding along the streets of Paragon City. To be honest, other than the safety of my kids, I take very little seriously. I often find myself chuckling inwardly as some citizen shows gratitude for me rescuing them. "Thank you, Adjective-Noun! That was a great save!" It sounds as silly as my name, which was my intent when I registered with the Genetic Investigation and Facilitation Team (G.I.F.T.).

More amusing is taking my silliness into battle. Lots of gangs to put down in Paragon City. Like the Trolls. An exotic drug hit the streets called Superadine, and the Trolls are those who not only became addicted, but abused the drug beyond all reasoning. The result was them mutating, gaining green skin, small horns on their heads, and incredible strength. It also massacred their brains, making English a second language for these idiots. So when I run into a group of them, and one shouts, "I crush you," my response is, "I teach you English!" Then I hit him hard enough to knock him across the street.

Hmmm...Seems I skipped some vital information there. You see, I've managed to climb from a lowly security level of one all the way to fifty. It took a lot of time to pull this off, and I mastered three groups of powers along the way.

The primary one - the one that has ruined more of my expensive suits than combat itself - is my spines. Nasty, bony protrusions that can literally explode from my skin. It's lots of fun, especially when the poison my body generates coats those spines. That poison slows my opponents, making it harder for them to attack with any real speed, and difficult to run away once they realize they've bitten off more they can chew when it comes to taking me on in a fight.

My secondary ability is regeneration. I have to say, I'm thankful for having it, because gaping holes in my skin after a bunch of sharp bones have exploded from me would be a literally bloody mess. It's also handy to have when I trip and fall from the top of a building. Falling 40 stories and relocating a leg up behind my back hurts only for a minute, and by the time I've struggled to my feet, my body is healed.

The final power set I've learned to control is Body Mastery. It took some time to get a handle on this one, but thanks to this group of abilities, I have greater accuracy and a few energy blasts I can sling at baddies.

It's great being a hero, but...Well, I must confess that I have some really silly moments during some fights. Like taking on the militant group, The Council. Real gung-ho jerks intent on taking over the world by any means necessary; usually those means fall under the category of violence. Not if Adjective-Noun has anything to say about it!...as long as I remember what the heck I'm doing.

Once, I was facing down this Equinox Adjutant - he's one of the Council's scientifically created vampyri - and he's tougher than the silly minions that run around trying to hurt me. I crank up the spines, target him, and I'm ready to pin him in place with a little something called "Impale." He won't be running away in fear because I'll have virtually nailed him in place. But, no...my concentration strays, and I activate the wrong power. I'm suffused with a green glow as my body instantaneously heals the massive amounts of damage that I haven't taken. In that moment, I find myself shouting, "Halt, villain...or I'll heal myself!"

Not exactly one of my finer moments.

Then there are the moments when I wake up and realize I've forgotten to activate something vital, like Focused Accuracy. I power this baby up, and I'm sure to hit at least 95% of my targets. Without it, I have all the accuracy of a tuna sandwich. So I forget to crank it up, and I'm battling away, wondering why I've managed to successfully attack the wall, the ceiling, and the floor, while all of my opponents are smacking me around and laughing at my inability to hit them. In short order, I'm hugging the floor and wondering what the heck happened.

Well, thank goodness for the hospital transporters. Drained of life, the sensors spread around the city pick up on my depleted form and whisk me away to the nearest hospital...except the Council is fond of blocking safe passage from their bases, and I find myself in a cell. Then I have to fight my way past a door that's tougher than some of the base leaders. Now how am I supposed to bring that back to other heroes as they gather in Atlas Park to talk about their escapades? "Yeah...I fought a door the other day. Kicked the crap out it. I tell ya, that door won't be causing any more problems in this city." Yeah...definitely a moment of pride.

Then, of course, there was this time I was scanning a group of Zombies, and was trying to think of the best way to dive in to take them down, when -

Hang on...phone's ringing.

*sigh* Kids today. That was Katie, who's classified by the Federal Bureau of Super-powered Affairs as a "controller." She's a fourteen-year-old fluff piece that adds crowd control to a team! A TEAM! So what does the girl do? She runs off alone to handle various crises, and then finds herself in trouble. Like now. She has a bunch of Vahzilok chasing her around the sewers and wants daddy to come get her out of the mess she created. I'm off to save my heroic daughter from herself.

You folks stay safe. And if you're a hero like me, "Go. Hunt. Kill Skuls."

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