Saturday, May 9, 2009

My Happy-Happy Post

Golly! This is so exciting! I'm making a happy post, and you all get to read how happy-happy I am, and all the happy-happy things going on in my happy-happy life!

Like the wonderful thing that happened to me on Thursday. If you remember, I was told on 1 May that I needed to go to the doctor because my diabetes was out of control. I'd also posted reasons in previous posts as to why that might be the case. So my doctor's office called to tell me I needed to come in because my diabetes was out of control, and I was worried sick - LITERALLY! - over the whole thing...but I was cheerfully worried sick. And the bestest part of this was that the woman making my appointment for last Thursday chose the absolute, mostest hottest part of the day, 4:30 PM, to see the doctor!

It was easy enough. All I had to do was catch the bus under the beautiful, excessively hot AZ sun (which was reported to have been 103 degrees F) and ride for three miles with all those happy-happy commuters who were smelling rather...interesting...after experiencing that heat for so long. But first, I had to miss the bus and stand around in said heat for an extra 15 minutes until the next bus came along. By the time my exhausted, but happy-happy self reached my destination, I was hot, tired, in great pain, and late for my appointment. But not to worry! I was still within the 15 minutes that I'm allowed to be late for a doctor's appointment, and so I signed in at 4:44 PM...

...to be told that it was too late, the doctor was getting ready to go home, and that I had to reschedule my appointment. I happily flipped out, exclaiming with joy that I was within their posted time frame, and that this was ridiculous...all the while, gleefully gasping and sweating from the heat, while grimacing in wonderful pain. They politely told me to go screw, and we rescheduled the appointment.

But before I left, I politely demanded that some idiot immediately tell me what my hemoglobin A1c results were so I could merrily worry less. I was delighted when they told me it was 9.4, a 1.2 increase since my last test, and I left the office while cheerfully muttering (using some of my native NY vernacular) how wonderfully stupid the entire staff was. (A 9.4 is actually better than I expected after dealing with such a serious infection for so long; I was afraid I'd be back at the 10 I had when I started seeing this doctor.)

That was Thursday, and there other events during the week that were equally as enjoyable.

Like Tuesday, when some of my most beloved neighbors decided to continue their frolicsome, violent relationship. I'll tell you, there's nothing that says love quite as clearly as screaming, slamming doors, and the shattering of apartment windows during an altercation. And these people are smart, too! You see, the woman who actually rented the apartment invited her boyfriend to live with her. After enduring his physical abuse long enough, she got him a present. Really...the message of adoration provided by a court order of protection in unequalled! Then, just to prove to everyone how smart she is, this woman invited her boyfriend to come back the day after she received that court order! Since then, there's been more screaming and a lot of banging from their apartment. My guess is that those two crazy lovebirds just can't keep their hands off each other. The result of which will likely be a happy-happy homicide investigation in the near future.

Speaking of neighbors, let's not forget the picture of maternity that lives two doors down from me. What a sweet woman, letting her two-year-old wander to the front of my apartment at 7:00 AM so he can scream his head off about nothing in particular. And since I wake up to loud noises so well, what with my PTSD and all, I chose this very morning to open my door and tell the child to go home. His mother's response was exceptionally polite. "Don't tell my fucking kid what to do. I'm right here, watching him." Isn't that great! She standing there, watching her child disturb the neighbors, thereby making everything A-okay!

Between all this, I've been enjoying my time, hiding in my dusty, filthy apartment. I'd clean, but I seem to be in exquisite pain most of the time, especially when it comes to my wonderfully malformed feet. They seem to be swollen and aching all the time, which I think is really great! Don't you?

This concludes my happy-happy post. Really, folks...I couldn't be happier if I were twins! And now I'm off to practice a new skill I'm working on: juggling running chainsaws! It's great exercise, and helps with my atrophied muscles and lowered coordination! And I'll probably be even better at it when they reattach the arm that's currently lying on the floor, next to me!

Oops! Nike is starting to chew on it again! Gotta run! You kids be well!

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