Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Rob Report

Attn: Anyone That Cares.
Re: Status of Project Rob
Current Stress Alert Status (1 - 10 scale): 7.3

(1) Rob, hereafter known as "the subject," is recovering nicely after a lengthy trip outside his apartment yesterday. Rent was paid. Food was purchased. Rob's survival is assured through Monday at this time, provided he doesn't tear his agonized feet off.

(2) The subject's attempt to quit smoking moves forward as a slow but steady pace, and has moved from "light" cigarettes to "ultra light" cigarettes. As of today, the subject is poking holes in these weaker cigarettes, further reducing his dependency on the addictive substances therein. He maintains a goal of being completely free from his nicotine habit by 9 July 2009.

(3a) At 4:32 PM Pacific Time, the subject received a call from his doctor's office. The subject was in no condition to process the information given to him at the time, nor able to ask detailed questions. He was told his diabetes is out of control and that he needs to see the doctor as soon as possible.

(3b) Subject's frame of mind this morning seems to indicate a theme of, "Well, DUH!" He reports that he forewarned the doctor of poor results due to battling infection for more than three months, as well as the stress of attempting to quit smoking. Since he responds poorly to stress, specifically in the area of his chronic illness, it is no surprise to him that his diabetes is out of control.

(3c) Unable to coherently discuss this news, an appointment was established for 7 May 2009 at 4:30 PM. This appointment may be changed on Monday, 4 May 2009 for the sake of convenience to the subject.

(4) In response to paragraphs 3a, 3b and 3c, lack of precise data, such as the exact level of his Hemoglobin A1c, has increased the subject's existing stress levels. A complete lack of knowledge on the status of his kidneys, liver and cholesterol are causing a degradation in the subject's mental status.


(A) Subject is to play computer games, watch movies, and read books as a distraction from existing stress threats.

(B) Subject may do some creative writing if clarity of thought is possible. Prohibited subjects include porn, violence, and anything involving the molestation of farm animals. While not specifically a farm animal, this also includes all types of simians.

(C) Status of WMD made entirely of LEGO remains unknown.

This concludes The Rob Report. Further reports pending, reliant on the possible spontaneous combustion of subject's brain.

*TINY EDIT* No sooner did I post this than my Dad called to ask how my quitting was going. I gave him the details, and he is ultimately pleased that I'm actually making progress. Even nicer was him giving me support and not a lecture. Just one more reason I love my Dad. =)


Arguskos said...

I REALLY want to see a WMD from LEGO. You should work on that.

For laughs, make is shaped like Bob Dole's head. :D

Katrascythe said...

I second the WMDs. Although I disagree with Bob Dole's head. I think it should be Pope Palpatine ;)

Congratulations with the smoking. Looks like you're making reasonable progress. *mass applause*