Well I try and try to forget you girl
But it's just so hard to do
Every time you do that thing you do
Those are the words that were in my head when I awoke this morning. It's kind of rough on you when you wake up with a song stuck in your head. I don't know about you folks, but when this happens to me, I end up having to hunt down that song and hear it in its entirety. Then, knowing it's from a movie, I have to look up said movie in an attempt to unravel the mystery...WHY is this song stuck in my head? This is a song I haven't heard since the movie was released and radio stations seemed to take a trip back in time to play the song repeatedly. And the movie, boys and girls, was released in October of 1996. So why is it stuck in my head almost 13 years later?
Well, some of it is the fact that some of my time spent in the Land of Nod has been used to twist the past. Just days ago, I dreamt of my ex, Perlin. In the dream, she and I were up to our...*ahem*...usual antics. But to avoid the displeasure of her father, which was always a concern when we were dating, we were "getting busy" on the roof of a house somewhere on Long Island. No, there will be no grand details...except to say that when we were done, we were lying on the roof and looking up at the stars, her head resting against my arm. This is where I woke up, only to find Nike was sleeping next to me, her furry back against my forearm and tickling my skin.
My first thought? Please, G-d...Tell me I haven't been doing strange things to my cat in my sleep!
Well, as disturbing as that seems, I probably wasn't performing unnatural acts with my kitty. She wouldn't have been asleep, or even near me if I'd tried. No, the upsetting thing about Nike sleeping next to me is my penchant for violent action while I'm asleep. Some time ago, I revealed that when I was living with Robin, I would start kicking her in my sleep. Kicking in such a way that I was hurting her, and she would scream to wake me up so I would stop...which eventually made me subconsciously exile myself to the couch, all the while making conscious excuses not to share a bed with her. So there are mornings when I wake and notice Nike is nowhere to be seen. Eventually, she comes out from under the bed...the place she goes when she's upset and trying to escape me.
Yes, for all the love I have for my cat, when I catch her on a counter, all I need to do is stand and shout, "Hey!" Nike, knowing she's done something wrong, makes a beeline for the bed, slinking under it, where she knows I'm not going to chase her.
Okay...Other leads. A crush from not all that long ago had a thing for the Beatles. (Hello, citizens. It I, Captain Understatement, here to tell you this person had "a thing" for the Beatles.) Maybe thoughts of romances gone by had me dragging this song out of the closet of memories. But then, if that was the case, why not drag out a Beatles song? Are there not enough of them for my brain to pick?
Right. Scratch that theory.
Maybe it's Robin herself. I mean, she and I were..."something"...back in 1996. Of late, I've been wanting to try and find her and talk. Actually, as explained to my Julie, what I want to do is apologize. For all intents and purposes, I pushed Robin away. Everything I did consciously had subconscious origins, and I didn't come to terms with those more discrete reasons until the last year or two. So for the last month or so, I've been suppressing the urge to find her and call...explain what was happening to me...what has happened to me...and ask her forgiveness.
Of course, just mentioning this to Julie had her sputtering. Robin was the one who didn't communicate with me. Robin was the one that left me when things were going south. Robin, who held a grudge against her boyfriend from years before because he left when she was at her sickest, abandoned me when I was jobless, penniless, and becoming disabled...
I suppose some mysteries aren't meant to be solved. What I should do is work on the increasingly impossible task of finding a new romance, so that one day I can look her in the eyes and tell her, "Y'know, I simply marvel at That Thing You Do."
On an unrelated note, I should warn the world that my existence on the Internet may suddenly come to an end. If you recall, I wrote about computer troubles not too long ago. Well, that dreaded blue screen has been appearing again. It started when I reinstalled my printer, hoping I could get it working again. I removed the printer, but I fear I'm heading for another fatal crash. If that happens, I'll have to restart my computer from scratch, all the while praying that it actually works. And if it doesn't...Well, at least you were warned to where I may vanish.