Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Wild Adventures of the Omnivorous Rob in the Land of Mere Mortals

This post was going to be entitled "Fire Works," and go into the...ummm..."fun"...we all had Friday night, but several things are afoot.

Before I go into that, I have a new follower. I am a the name of said follower. So, if that new follower doesn't speak up quickly as to whom they are, and why they are following my blog, there is a good chance I will block said person.

On to last Friday night, where I found myself sitting and playing games on my computer around 1:00 AM. Not uncommon, really. Sleep and I aren't as close as I'd like us to be. What's more, Sleep is quick...elusive...and hard to catch. So I was awake for the loud CRASH that seemed to come out of nowhere. The crash was followed by a loud SMASH. Fearing that such noises would happen to me if I opened my door, I peeked out my blinds and saw...

...firemen. One had an axe in his hands, and another had a sledgehammer. They were either at the door directly next to mine, or the next apartment over. So I opened my door to see exactly where they were, and I was hit by the smell of burning...something. The something turned out to be food. What happened is that my deaf neighbor left something on the stove when she unexpectedly fell asleep. The smoke alarm did little good for someone who can't hear at all, and so her apartment started filling up with smoke.

My favorite part of this story is that one of the people who called for help said that they heard the alarm going off for a half hour! Only when they could start smelling something did they call for help. Brilliant, really. Had the apartment complex burned down, there would have been too many dimwits to point fingers at. And pointing fingers is exactly what started to happen, as one of the most selfish of my neighbors started making a lot of nasty remarks about the deaf neighbor. As the selfish one started making her accusations, I left the scene after making sure the deaf neighbor was okay. I did just enough signing to report to the firemen that she wasn't hurt in any way, and then went back to my place to escape the drama and the smell.

My 4th of July was blessedly uneventful. Usually, people around these parts celebrate the holiday by killing someone...Not on purpose, mind you. The morons fire guns into the air, forgetting that the bullets need to come down somewhere. It's called a parabolic arc, I believe, and as they fire their guns into the air, the bullets travel quite some distance before returning to Earth...and entirely too many people have caught those bullets in their heads. But all was quiet here, and so I am pleased to report on this nothingness.

Today, I spent some time on the phone with Stu, trying to gain an understanding of several things. For example, why would I be paying $350 each month when my sister-in-law's niece pays only $250, and her nephew pays only $120. Well, the nephew doesn't work enough hours to pay more, so he's off the hook. The niece isn't around often, from which is where MY rent amount stems. I will be around a lot more often, burning more electricity and eating more food than the other two. I doubt I'll go through an extra $100 of food and electricity, but I can certainly try. (Insert evil laughter here.)

Nike remains an issue. Nikki apparently isn't a "pet person." My argument is that she doesn't have to be. I'll be the one responsible for her, taking care of all the feeding and her litter box. And for an extra $100 a month, my cat should have free reign (or is it rein?) of the house. She is incapable of clawing up the furniture, and she's been fixed. My cat should NOT be an issue...

...but then she is, specifically in the area of getting her to TN. I keep seeing greater issues with getting her there. First, I'm going to need to have her examined by a vet within 10 days of traveling, as documentation of her health will be required. If I don't have her sedated for the trip, she will likely meow the entire way, being VERY upset with the entire travel thing. These things will cost money I simply do not have.

Also, if I have any intention of having her with me on the plane, she will have to be in a soft animal carrier. If things start bouncing around the plane during turbulence, having a hard carrier hitting me or other people will not be good. Again, no money for said carrier.

Back to the vet, this is something that will have to occur three times by my estimation. Visit number one would be to establish that she's healthy to start with. It makes no sense to even go further if I find out she's not well enough to travel. Next is the travel visit for documentation. This will be the one where they basically hand me all the papers I'll need to transport her. The third and final vet visit will be on the day of travel, with the vet medicating my kitty so she can make the trip to TN without completely freaking out. I already know she will be in the verge of a feline anxiety attack because we'll be traveling. Better for her to be doped up rather than have her keep everyone awake and annoyed with her incessant meowing.

Now, it would seem that all of this is happening a lot faster than I've spoken of previously. This is because when I spoke with Stu, we discussed the idea of heading for TN earlier than waiting for the end of my lease. He and his family are having problems making ends meet. The sooner I'm there and lending a hand, the better it will be for everyone involved. In fact, tomorrow, I'm borrowing some of the neighborhood kids (two or three, depending on what one neighbor can spare), to help me start packing my place up. Whatever happens, I am leaving this apartment complex, and need to be ready to go in short order. If I can leave here by the end of the month, as Stu is hoping, then that's how it'll be...although, realistically, we should be looking at the end of August.

So here's what needs to happen, in order, for this to go smoothly.

1. Pack what little I have to go to TN.
2. Throw out much of the clutter in my apartment.
3. Ship what I don't need immediately as early as possible to Stu's house.
4. Get Nike examined.
5. If she's cleared, I need to get that cat carrier as soon as possible. One of the tips I read said that the animal carrier should be left lying open so she can, hopefully, wander in and out of it of her own accord. This will allow her to get used to it as something she can exist in for an extended amount of time.
6. Start selling my stuff. My computer desk, my futon, my couch, my TV, and my TV stand.
7. Within 10 days of travel, another visit to the vet, this time for Nike's travel documents.
8. The day before my flight, ship my computer. (Only the hard drive, monitor, keyboard, and various accessories.)
9. The day of travel, make some kind of arrangement for Nike to be given a shot of something to relax her for the trip.
1o. Off I go, into the wild blue yonder, goddess of victory in kitty form at my side.
11. Mixed in between all of this will be various doctor trips to make sure I have everything I need once I arrive in TN, as well as settle all accounts pertaining to whatever I have going on here in AZ, such as my phone service, returning their DSL unit, and other little nonsense.

Of course, the whole Nike situation could be ended by my surrendering her to the Arizona Humane Society. That would be easiest, with a simple fee of $35 to put an end to my drama with her...but I love my kitty more than I love many humans. It would break my heart to have to give her up. =*(

Now, with all of that out of the way, I'd like to remind people that my birthday is rapidly approaching. There was a time when I would rail against such an idea, but I now give permission to rob banks in my name, proclaiming, "This robbery is committed in the name of Bor!" Then send me 20% of your loot. (That's a joke, people.) And, cards congratulating me on my 43rd birthday. It will only confuse me further.


Gamer Hippie o' death said...

Since I know your apparent dislike for you birthday, I wish you a very merry unbirthday to you!

Good luck with the move!
I'm concerned about your relatives driving you mad, though.

Good luck.

Rob Meadows said...

Oh, it's pretty much in the existential contract that my family drive me mad. Stu has spent a lot of time "warning" me about his wife. Don't complain all the time; don't make "man jokes" around her; don't breathe too loudly; if she puffs up her chest, drop to the floor and play dead.

What will PROBABLY happen is that my stay at Stu's house will merely be a "stop along the way." That is, I'll start looking for a place of my own shortly after I move in...

...and along the way, I get the feeling they'll start begging me to stay. For starters, they'll be squeezing my wallet for much needed finances. My $350 will be helping with a bill or two, to be sure. Nikki has theis goofy idea of renting a room to a stranger, and that's just downright dangerous these days. But they are so tight for money that Stu seemed to express a desire to get me to TN ASAP. With this position of power, I can probably enforce a few rules of my own, like allowing Nike to roam free. (That's actually the only rule I can think that I'd want to enforce.)

What Stu also fails to realize is that I'm not really the same guy with whom he grew up. I'm not a selfish jackass. I tend to cuss more when I'm on the phone with him, but that's a rare event. And in all likelihood, Stu will get mad when I play the role of nice guy, offering gas money from time to time, or offering to watch my nephew when he needs the break. Heck, I've even thought of offering them a few extra dollars when I can so Stu and his wife can do something that seems to be an alien concept: going on a date with one's spouse.

We shall see...but the move is definitely under way.

Valiant Turtle said...

I'm starting to get cautiously optimistic about this move for you.

It seems like there's a small industry dedicated to moving pets. I doubt it's cheap though. I did find this page as a general starting point though:

If you still need boxes let me recommend you contact your local liquor store when they have boxes available. In most cases it's going to be something like stop by the back dock on Tuesday evenings and take what you want. Those boxes are good and sturdy. We did that when we moved to Indiana and it worked out great. Of course, you still need to get them to your apartment somehow, which is probably going to be a problem.

Have you figured out how you are going to get your computer online at Stu's house? I'm guessing he doesn't have a convenient network jack in the room you'll be using. You're not allowed to go offline on us you know!

Rob Meadows said...

Well, I just learned moments ago that I didn't put a deposit on my DSL unit; I apparently bought it. So should I want to set up my own phone service in TN, I have a box that will do the connecting for me.

Right away, however, I will have access to the net via Stu's computer. I will only be offline from the moment I ship my computer until the time I get to TN.

As for the boxes, I'm about to enlist the aid of small, healthy humans, and we are going on a hunt at the local businesses for boxes. I'm also going to take a peek immediately at that link you provided.

Thanks, TVT! =)