Monday, August 24, 2009

Shock of all shocks!

Having screwed up the plan to call my father yesterday, the call HAD TO happen today. And when I called the house number, my beloved step-mom answered. (Insert a sigh of relief and a wipe of the brow.)

Let us start with the fact that they had no idea the plans to move to my brother's place had fallen through. I was so sure that Stu would have unloaded on my Dad, but they hadn't heard from Stu since he started his new job. All of these weeks, believing I'd been abandoned by family, and it all managed to to come down to a lack of information and my own compounded fears.

I marveled at the fact that telling the story of the blowout with Stu was much faster to tell verbally than writing it out, and this was with my step-mom frequently interrupting with various questions. I mean, when she heard that my plans to move to TN had fallen through, she was entering panic mode. "What are you going to do? You have nowhere to go! Maybe you should just get an apartment in Tennessee so you'll have family nearby?"

"No," I said. "Stu has already shown that he was not so much interested in me as he was my money. I can fully understand the need to pay rent, when I tried to discuss a rent reduction, he lost his mind and demonstrated that I wasn't nearly as welcome there as my money was. Besides...Attempting to move into a new place when I don't have the money for deposits, and fees for background checks, and furnishing the place...No, a move to TN isn't possible at all."

Then I raved about the wonder that is Siege. "No, this isn't a passing acquaintance from online. This is a friend whom I've known for some time, and we have shared a great deal of personal information. We share an understanding of that whole 'mental illness' thing, as he has his own issues. What's more, after a phone call with my friend, I come away with a great sense of caring...something I didn't get when I'd talk to Stu.

"And in terms of finances, from my mouth to G-d's ears, I will finally be able to save up some money of my own. And should it not work out for whatever reason, I will be able to find my own place, and still have a friend locally who actually gives a damn."

Amongst her usual dialogue of intense worry about me, she did say something that gave affirmation to something I'd been saying since the move to TN fell apart. She said, "Well, better that this should all happen now, before you moved, rather than have it happen once you were there."

Ain't that the truth!

After talking to my step-mom for some time, my father got on the phone, and I briefly explained that things had fallen through with Stu. "Dad...I...Well, when Stu and I were working out the details of the move, I was a 'yes-man.' For some time, as Stu piled on this and that aspect, I simply agreed. And when I asked - as kindly as I possibly could - about a rent reduction, Stu lost his mind. There was no talking to him then, and he has made no effort to try and patch things up."

I could hear the disappointment in my father's voice. "Well, that's now in the past, and at least you have plans to go somewhere."

Honestly, though...It was a startlingly smoother conversation than I imagined, and I was able to give them a general idea as to where I was going. No address. No phone number. Those remain variables. But at least I was able to communicate with them without being shot down, which was an enormous relief. (Looks like I took that extra 0.5 mg of Xanax for nothing.)

As much as I could get it, I have received my parents' blessing to move in with Siege. They are pleased that this isn't just a snap decision. As you folks can see, a lot of thought is going into this whole thing, and from my discussion with them, my parents can see I'm not blindly charging forward into G-d knows what. In fact, I stressed that I am moving into a place that I will likely be able to call "home," and not merely "some house." =)

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In other news, those diabetic shoes I was going to pick up today...? I've decided to hold off until tomorrow, when I also have a doctor's appointment. Two expeditions in two days can be taxing on me, so saving it all for one day is probably for the best.

On the finance front, I received the blessing of $175 from the combined efforts of two friends this month...but some of that money went right back out, as I'd vowed to help Arguskos with his immediate woes. This has left me with $26.54 in my bank account. So...ummm...HEEEEEELP! Please? Just a wee bit more this month, and my usual cries for aid next month...and then I should be moving into a haven where I'll be able to handle my finances with greater ease.

And now, my friends...that extra dose of Xanax, which eventually had no stress to handle, is kicking my butt. I'm going to lie down for a bit...and hopefully not for another seven hour nap.

Be well, my dear, dear friends! =)

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