Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Okay, okay! Stop pushing!

Really...You people can be so PUSHY!

I spoke to Siege over the weekend, dissuading some of my fears about the move. In the past, I've had people tell me online that wonderful things were in motion, only to find out that I was being lied to. Not that I suspect Siege of lying, but betrayals of the past tend to affect my brain in the present. And while we were on the phone, I spoke of the ulcer on my left ankle that's been acting up, and Siege became yet another voice to tell me, "Stop screwing around and get it checked out!"

I don't wanna! *stomps foot like a petulant child*

The thing is that I keep looking at all I have yet to accomplish, and keep telling myself that I don't have time to be hospitalized. Nope...No time at all. I got things to see and people to do! Wait a minute. Strike that; reverse it.

But Siege made an excellent point that was hard to refute. "If you don;t take care of it now, it could become something serious that gets in the way of the move." Crap! Now I gotta do something. As much as I don;t want to, the point was a good one. Delaying this thing further will only complicate matters down the line.

Of course, one ot the silly, stupid things in my head has been: Wait until I get to KS, then head for an emergency room. They'll probably hospitalize me, and that'll expedite my application to Medicaid. Them hospitals hate being forced to accept 80 cents on the dollar, and billing me, sending me to collections, etc., will bring them nothing more. So a social worker will arrive, I'll sign papers, and hobble out of the hospital with Medicare and Medicaid in place. It's a shortcut that would probably work very well...except that waiting could result in a major hospitalization, putting everything in my life on hold while I spend weeks on end receiving IV antibiotics. And if it's infected and said infection hits the bone...? G-d! That'll mean another chest catheter, and then surgery to remove it, and that's only IF the antibiotics work. If they don't, surgery to remove things will occur.

I never mentioned this to anyone, but the news of a diabetic losing a limb translates into a rather specific message in my head: 10 years. It's not proven...I'm not sure where I picked it up...But it seems that I hear about a diabetic losing a leg or two, and then it's followed with, "and my (insert relation) died ten (or within ten) years later." It's why, when a doctor suggest years ago that he remove a few toes to speed up a lengthy hospitalization for osteomyelitis, my first reaction was panic. (The jokes came after I was mildly sedated.)

Anywho...I paused mid-post to call my doctor's office. I have an appointment on Thursday with a doctor I've never seen at my PCP's office. The receptionist was more than willing to have me wait until next Monday. I replied, "Never mind. I'll head for a hospital." That seemed to get her butt in gear and make an appointment much sooner.

Why won't I just drag my butt to a hospital now? Well, I suppose a psychologist would call it "illogical logic." Every time I head for the ER with something I believe is trivial, I keep thinking about the heart attack or shooting victim who needs a doctor's attention much more than I do. Those people are dying. I'm just uncomfortable. That's the "logical" stuff. What makes it illogical is that I have as much of a right to immediate care as anyone else. And my condition could be serious as well without my knowing it. My awareness of this makes putting off care an illogical decision.

So...The next couple of days are scheduled. Tomorrow, I will head out and do laundry; something I've been putting off for far too long. I'll also run a minor errand or two. Thursday, I'll be paying my last visit to my local psychiatrist in the morning, although I have no idea why; she can't prescribe my meds as I need them. That is, I'm going to want her to write me a three month supply, and she can only write a month at a time. In the afternoon, I'll be heading for my PCP's office to have this ulcer examined. Then, with any luck, it'll be home for more packing and throwing crap out. (Much more of the latter, I assure you.)

You kids can stop shoving me. Okay? I'm getting help! So NYAH! =P