Monday, December 28, 2009

Back to "The Suicide Note"

No freaking out! I am not writing A suicide note. I have begun reworking on "THE Suicide Note: Memoirs of an Insulin Dependent Diabetic."

Years ago, I wrote an autobiography under that title. It's about growing up as an insulin dependent diabetic. I was actually proud of this treatise because it explained much of my medical conditions in terms both a layman and a professional could understand. The premise is simple: I have cut years from my life by being a very dumb diabetic in my youth, and one that's none-too-intelligent in the present. To put it to writing and possibly publish it might well save someone the turmoil that I suffer.

But there are problems with the original manuscript. You see, I had a copy of it on my near-ancient laptop. The aforementioned laptop is now dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. I believe I pressed the power button on it a half dozen times yesterday, and it didn't so much as even think about starting up.

Luckily, I had saved a copy of it to a floppy disc. Or...it would be lucky if the disc hadn't mysteriously become corrupt. When I attempted to retrieve it, my desktop actually started making a frightening whining sound from within the tower.

So I start from scratch. And I do so at a less-than-pleasant time for me.

Late Saturday, I blew an emotional fuse. Someone in my home said something to me in just the wrong tone, and some part of my psyche exploded. Now I have been wanting to say little or nothing to anyone around me for fear that, instead of speaking, I will let loose a rant that they don't deserve. That is, they might deserve it a little, but certainly not the yelling that I've been holding back.

It doesn't help that as I was writing this new draft of "The Suicide Note" that I dropped my headphones onto the tower of my computer, and the danged system decided to restart. No worries, as I have it set for auto-save every five minutes. I certainly didn't crank out two new pages in that time, and I also paused to jump on a housemate's computer to look something up online. I'm thinking that it was at least 30 minutes from when I reopened the document to when I dropped the headphones. And in a kind of reverse miracle, my computer managed to save NOTHING!

I was sorely tempted to bury my head in my pillow and scream.

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