I'm somewhat at a loss at the moment. Atop my usual woes, my father landed me with things I just don't need.
Like the fact that my cousin Sheryl gave birth to her second daughter. Well, isn't that great news...except for the fact that I haven't spoken to her, or her mother, in just over nine years. They were the members of my family that made it clear they'd much rather not have me around. So, honestly, I don't know what to do with that information. Nor do I still know what to do with it. Such information simply makes me fume over my family's lack of acceptance.
The week before, my father dropped a similar bombshell. He wants me to call Stu. To say...what? To accomplish...what? Stu's overwhelming gratitude for my running to TN when he was deathly ill was less than acceptable. And since then, he's made no effort whatsoever to contact me. He made demands of me. He was the one who did all of the shouting. And I'M the one who should pick up the phone to re-establish contact?
Perhaps it's because Dad knows I'm the better man, that I am the nice guy who always strives to do the right thing. If I have an argument with someone, I'm the one who'll sit back and think about how *I* might have been wrong, and then open a conversation with an apology.
This time, however, I wasn't wrong in any major way. Perhaps I was slightly wrong in asking him if he was ready to discuss things like a grownup, but that's where my errors end. I made no demands. I asked for a home among family. In turn, I was treated like a potential ATM, shouted at by an overgrown child throwing a fit, and then virtually ignored. It's how I ended up in KS instead of TN, and I can only imagine things being worse had I moved in with Stu and his family.
Brought to my housemates, I asked what they think I should say. The immediate response from Ray was, "Dad wanted me to call you. I called you. Good-bye." Then hang up.
Do I send him an e-mail?
"Hey, Stu...Dad wants us to stay in touch, so...WTF is your problem? Why did you attempt to squeeze me for more than half of my monthly income? Why did you force me to seek a home elsewhere? Why, pray tell, are strangers kinder to me than you?"
I don't think that'll go over well. The thing is, these are the things that are dominating my thoughts. Stu doesn't want to be an adult in any way. But if I talk to him like the overgrown child that he is, he'll pick up on that and become insulted, and probably do more shouting. It's a lose-lose situation for me.
And I honestly have bigger problems at the moment. Yesterday was a day of hellish pain for me. That toe I smashed three times within one hour, several weeks ago...? Well, yesterday it not only hurt like hell, but was red and swollen...to the point where the skin was shining in any light on it, and I feared the skin would break from said swelling. Because the skin was broken at the time, I had a fear of osteomyelitis. That fear just might be becoming a reality. How bad was the pain? Well, I went through FOUR of my morphine tablets, instead of the usual three, and took EIGHT percocets through the day, instead of the maximum of six. (On a good day, I can get by with only four.)
I have enough on my plate. So why, in even my semi-right mind, would I add to my problems by having it out with my brother? "Oh, Rob...It might not be that bad." Wrong! Without even making the call, I can feel my rage boiling, and fear I'll say something that'll set him off. And if I don;t say something, Stu will probably find a reason to be angry.
*sigh* And all of this because my youngest brother, Barry, is an ass beyond the likes of which have been recorded in social history. My father is living approximately five miles from him for over a year and a half, and he has yet to pick up the phone to ask how my father is doing. But I believe I've already spoken of Barry and some of his antics. If I haven't, remind me and I'll tell a few tales.
Meanwhile, I'm frustrated. Since Cody and Ray have acquired a copy of Borderlands, I am going back into that virtual world, where I can shoot guns whose bullets can also set people on fire. Yes, simulated violence...this is the answer that I seek!