Wednesday, May 5, 2010

+2 Shovel of Clarification

This seemingly ordinary spade has the ability to look over old blog posts and clarify various aspects that may have been unclear (DC 10 + level of the blogger).

Hmmm...I think I've spent too much time perusing the 3rd Edition Deities & Demigods.

Anyway, I'm looking over the post from last night, and I realized several things were happening that may have made it a tad unclear here and there. I mean, I was emotionally drained from watching Neko shake with fear after Dan left that terrifying message. I was also loaded with excitement over the idea that she and I will be seeing each other IN PERSON in about a week. It was also after midnight when I actually finished the post. (Post times are when the blogger starts typing.) There's also the fact that I missed a great deal of the conversations between Dan and Neko.

Okay...Let's get started.

1: The third person chat we had really did see me playing the role of suspicious friend. (And, yes, it is a little strange referring to myself in the third person now.) No one escaped my verbal wrath, and that includes myself. I am semi-remembering several examples, (still kind of hazy because I was foolishly dividing my attention between her and Solitaire), such as when Neko shared the fact that she and "Rob" had made matching uniforms on City of Heroes, I responded with feigned vomiting, followed by, "What a sap." I quizzed her about whether or not Rob had asked her out, to which she said he hadn't. "I thought he was crazy about you. What's stopping him?" So we "practiced" the idea of him asking, to which she gave an immediate yes. And I really did grill her on the safety measures Rob was willing to take should she decide to visit him instead of Dan. I wanted her head anchored in reality, and not the whirlwind fantasies that can come with the adrenaline rush of falling in love.

2: As for Dan, I was particularly harsh, but then Neko knows my mind is tainted by his recent behavior. I don't tolerate liars...AT ALL! If someone says they're one thing, and then prove otherwise, that qualifies as one of the bigger lies. Dan has been seeing a lot of ladies down in Puerto Rico over the last few years, and I've become suspicious of his motives. Did he run out of women around him, having earned a nasty reputation, and is now hoping to use Neko? I don't really know. But I did hear Neko ask him at one point if she was just going to be added to the lengthening list of women he's conquered. Oh, we men start dancing as fast as we can when such questions are asked. It's right up there with, "Does this dress make me look fat?" (Start running, buddy! No answer is right! You can say no, and she'll take issue with your tone!)

Dan has been very much the typical guy throughout this whole thing. I recognize it from the fact that I was once the typical guy. That's where a guy paints a far better picture of himself than reality would reflect. He searches for all the right things to say to the woman he's interested in, hoping that she will, in fact, become another conquest for him. Whether or not she becomes the final conquest always remains in question. And since the revelation that I've taken up a serious station in Neko's life, Dan has been shifting tactics too rapidly. The moment he saw one wasn't working, he'd try another. That wreaks of deception in my opinion, and I said as much to Neko. For a guy who ALSO claimed to be open and honest, he was making a series of bad moves, as he was now proving otherwise.

3: There was a point where Neko said that Dan was demanding she choose, and such a thing was unacceptable to her. I swiftly pointed out that I'd basically done the same thing, asking her to choose me over him...but at no time had I said this directly. I never said anything like, "It's him or me." My regular tactic was to simply say, "I want you for myself." This proves that it's not what you say, but how you say it. All of my demands from Neko have been within her comfort zone, with me making it as clear as possible that if there was something she wasn't comfortable with that she need not say or do it.

4: Okay, I have a big one now. Did I, in fact, manipulate Neko? It's a good one, right? Well, as Jews are fond of answering a question with a question...Is it possible to manipulate someone who's been forewarned of your motives? I don't think so. I told Neko the other day that my newest goal was to get her to cancel her trip to Puerto Rico and come see me instead. It's not nearly as warm and scenic here in Kansas, but the man who cares most about her is here. (Or so "he" claims! =P ) No, I don't believe I manipulated Neko. I would believe that it's impossible to do so once someone has been told what your goals are, and I did exactly that.

"Oh yeah, Rob? Prove it!" Easily done. You see, Neko reads this blog. Heck, I point it out to her whenever I've made a new post, and she often reads it while we're talking. If I was being sneaky or deceptive in any way, then I'm making all the wrong moves, since I tend to reveal exactly what's on my mind on this blog.

5: The order of events remains a little unclear on my last post, so let me fix that.

A: Neko and I spoke in the afternoon, with her confirming he was making her feel like she was dealing with her ex-fiance.
B: She got home and we started speaking on Skype. We engaged in the usual activities, including playing a little City of Heroes.
C: Dan calls. He tells her he's going to play the easy-going guy, and tries to keep the mood light. He succeeds for the time being. She and I are still on Skype the whole time.
D: Neko and I have our bizarre chat, in which she does a lot of smiling; she's amused at my efforts to maintain this other character.
E: She opens up MSN to see if he's around; it's only fair to keep the lines of communication open, since the plan is still in place for her to go to see him.
F: Mr. Easy-Going's disguise starts slipping when he starts asking serious questions. He's trying to find out how committed Neko is to me. He doesn't like the answers he's getting and logs off.
G: Neko says, "I know this seems bad, but how warm is it in Kansas?" I'm confused, as I have no idea how her question is bad. She claims it seems like she's using me to comfort herself during an emotionally bad time. I state that I don't see it that way.
H: Dan calls. He's trying to wheedle a sexual encounter with Neko. (Someone needs access to internet porn!) Despite no solid commitment between her and I, she speaks as though there is, and they argue. I don't remember who ends the call, but it doesn't end well.
I: Neko starts deleting Dan from her online life. I try not to do a happy dance. She also says it's okay for me to start asking my housemates if it's okay for her to hang out for a week or so. I can't run, but want to. I also use sign language to tell her that I love her. Pounding on my chest like that isn't good for me.
J: I return with word that Cody is okay with it, but that Ray is currently out.
K: She ignores several calls from Dan. She sees he's left a voice mail. She listens to it, then repeats it for me. Dan sounds psychotic. She aclls it "quiet anger" and becomes terrified. I try to comfort her. In the back of my head, I imagine Dan plotting how to come to the States and kill ME.
L: Another voice mail is left. This time Dan is holding back tears. I explain to Neko that he's grieving the loss of a romance he could have had, but made too many mistakes along the way.
M: The idea is introduced that I travel to PA, spend some time there, and then we return to KS during her vacation. Neko is willing to help finance my little trip.
N: Dan isn't giving up. She answers his next call in the hopes of explaining that she's done. He only needed to scare her once, and that was more than enough for her. I spend the time starting my blog entry. I also try to remind her she didn't want to have another late night via typed chat.
O: By the time their call ends, it's 1:00 AM Neko's time. It's too late to get into another lengthy chat.
P: I take the time to call Ray and ask if it's okay for Neko to come hang out, as well if he'd be willing to drop me off at the train station next week. He agrees, and I share this with Neko.
Q: Beating ourselves up for wanting to chat, but knowing it's not possible, I give her a "cam-kiss" and say goodnight.
R: I finish the blog entry while trying not to fall asleep. Jumping from upset with Dan and ecstatic that Neko wants to see me, I'm drained.
S: I sit and try to read the post. Something isn't clear. I'm not sure what. I decide I'll clarify the next day and head for bed.

For all I know, this entire post wasn't necessary. But I pride myself on being an honest, honorable man. When drama unfolds around me, I do my best to report the facts. If I'm unsure of something, I say as much, like when I try to quote someone and remain unsure of the exact wording.

And now, having looked over this post, there seems to be a great deal of ego seeping from me and onto the internet. I claim Dan IS a typical guy, and that I WAS a typical guy. Gee, Rob. Toot your own horn much? Well, in this instance, I feel I have a right to do exactly that. I've met a woman by way of an MMO. My initial goal was that of a typical guy, but I instantly recognized that, as Neko herself puts it, "she was broken." The last thing she needed was someone treating her poorly again. I'm not like that. Not anymore, anyway. And so I was myself, treating her as well as all human beings should be treated when you first meet them. She found herself drawn to my very nature, and that in turn altered my goals. I wanted this pretty young woman for myself. Mind you, I didn't delude myself into thinking I'd succeed, but the spark of hope had been ignited. By continuing to be myself, I achieved my goal of winning her heart, becoming "her Rob." I've withheld nothing, and Neko STILL wants me in her life. So I think I've earned the right to toot my own horn a bit.

That said, I think it's time for me to be on my way. I have an appointment with a surgeon tomorrow and have paperwork to fill out. So be well, my beloved friends. Be VERY well. =)

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