Friday, May 7, 2010

Now she said it.

I'm sorry, but when big events occur in my life, they're going to end up on this blog. The fact that I've found someone after 10 freakin' years is BIG FREAKIN' NEWS!

Last night, during one of those moments when I start speaking in my soft, smitten voice, I started going on about how Becky and I are the happiest accident I've ever had. We knew each other for a year before becoming a couple, flirting ever now and again on City of Heroes, with her idiot fiance encouraging it. Then we exchanged phone numbers, neither one called the other right away. And only when I believed she was inclined toward an adult conversation did I pick up the phone...only to find out she wasn't so inclined, and that she needed someone to treat her like a human being for once.

Even then, we were only going to be friends. She had Dan. She was going to see him in two months, and I didn't stand a chance. He was younger. He was fit. He was...

Okay, let me tell you what Dan was. Dan wasn't just an idiot for telling Becky she could pursue other guys. He was also what is commonly known as "a player." And I found this out while talking to Becky's best friend.

I deemed it important that someone on Becky's side of the world know who I am. It usually ends up that a woman travels to meet a guy somewhere and she ends up being front page news when she vanishes from the face of the planet. Around that time, the guy she went to see is arrested for her murder, and somewhere in the world is a grieving set of parents who wish their little girl had been smarter about things. I have been doing everything in my power to ensure no one fears this happening with me. You all know me as a caring, nice guy. They don't. Hence, I not only gave my address and phone number to Becky's best friend, but also the number to the local police department.

And if you REALLY want to get to know someone, start talking theology with them. This is what the best friend started doing with me. While talks about one's belief in G-d can be dangerous, I explained that as long as she didn't start preaching to me, all should be well.

There came a point where Dan came up in conversation, and Kat, (that's the best friend), started explaining how she was thoroughly against Becky's trip to Puerto Rico from the start. Why? Because there was a time when Dan was engaged. While he was engaged, he was having an online affair with Kat, making a claim to her that "his romantic needs weren't being met by his fiancee." If that's the case, then it begs the question, "Why had he gotten engaged?" With his recent dating history, one has to wonder why Becky was willing to go see him. She was about to spend around $1,100 to go see a guy who was likely going to make her another notch on his bedpost, and that's it. "I know we did things while you were here, but the sparks didn't really fly for me. I don't think it's going to work out." That would leave Becky wondering if there were ANY men out there who spoke the truth - EVER - and likely in no mood to even hear from me.

Once again, it's pure chance that things turned out as they did. Had Dan not let his disguise start slipping, Becky would still be heading for Puerto Rico, where I'm fairly positive heartbreak was awaiting her.

Oh...I haven't even mentioned the aspects of Fate that seem to be looming over my relationship with Becky. Like shortly after we had a chat about how there was a train station right there in her town. Days later, while glancing over the various articles AOL tries to get you interested in, there was one for their travel section about discounted fares for the train. Then there was the article about relaxing one's views on one's "type." Becky technically wasn't my type. (I won't go into the list, but being my height would normally have me crossing her off the list of potentials.) Because I had done exactly what the article suggested, Becky and I are now together...almost.

Yeah, "almost." Some things should happen in person. While we're completely invested in our feelings, I want us to become an official couple when we're face to face. Earlier in the evening, while discussing exactly that, Becky reminded me that she fully expects to return home no longer single. I joked, asking, "Yes. But will you have a boyfriend or a fiance?"

My joke is what led to me using the soft, smitten voice. The logical part of my brain says that becoming engaged would be moving to fast. But even my heart knows that if we were to take that exact action that it would be a lengthy engagement. I just established medical care here in KS. I have issues that need to be addressed. It would be a pain in the butt to pick up, move to PA, walk into a new doctor's office and say, "Hi. I need surgery." Then it would be back to doing all kinds of tests to confirm it, and all the other crap that comes with the process. I'm crazy about Becky, but I won't sacrifice my well-being like that for her.

So there'd probably be another year here, with the occasional visit between us. In my head, the visits all happen on her turf. That's how I'd wanted it to be from the start, but luck was on my side and now her vacation to PR has been canceled. Why waste her time off? She'll come here, and we will be two happy idiots in person. But the other visits...? Well, the current plan is for me to visit during our birthdays. There's a four-day difference between the two dates...month-wise. We'll celebrate together, have a good time...and then I'd see her again during the holiday season. I don't have anyone with which to celebrate, so I'll go spend time with her and her family. And then the next time we see one another face-to-face will be when I move out there.

Another thing is that I would like Becky to spend a little time living alone. This isn't a priority, but Becky has NEVER lived alone! She's always lived under a roof with someone else, and...well, what happens if a time comes and she needs to be on her own? She won't know what to expect in any regard. I want her to have that experience before she starts sharing a home with me.

Right. I'm done babbling with her, and she starts telling to me about how she was talking with Kat, and how Becky was wondering, "Is this what love is?" And one of the reasons Becky was wondering this was because we'd disconnected Skype the other night, and she looked at the no-empty screen and said, "I love you."

She's been so afraid to say it. It would mean that she was officially connected to me, and that was scaring her fiercely. She'd been thinking about it all day, and now she seemed to be searching for the words. I was trying to reassure her, when she cut me off. "I was thinking about how much I loved you."


Let me tell you, folks...My heart almost left my chest to go on a happy little trip of its own. The smile on my face was locked in place. And now, finally, AT LAST, we can say what we've been feeling without there being some fear that she will flee.

I'm on my way. I actually have Kat on Skype at this moment, and Becky is now off from work and making a few stops before she's on Skype too.

Be well, my friends.

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