Tuesday, September 14, 2010

NOW you bust my chops?

Why now? I have things to do. I have to get ready to leave early on Friday morning. I have to straighten my room. Do you know when the last time was that I vacuumed in here? I also need to do laundry. I have a list of things to pack, and am missing some of those items. And while I seem to have tons of energy in the moments that I think of going to see Becky, I get pretty worn out when I'm on my feet for too long. So why - WHY?! - are you busting my chops NOW?

Oh...ummm...it would seem I forgot to mention what my problem actually is on this morning.

I have my alarm set for noon. I'm old and decrepit, so I like my sleep. There are times where I wish the day was longer so I could sleep 14 hours, then be awake for 14 hours. That would work out much better for me. If scientists could slow the rotation of the earth just a touch, that'd be great. But they can't, and to sleep the entire day away would be foolish, so my alarm is set for noon. So what wakes me up this morning? A phone call from the local Welfare Office, called SRS, wanting to know if I intended to renew my benefits this year.

Renew? Why would I have to renew something I'm going to need forever? Unless I find that genie in the bottle that can cure my every ailment, I'm going to need a leg up from Welfare. Ah, but we all know those government types. They love their paperwork. Thus, it becomes an annual event to fill out forms and make a claim for the obvious. "Why, yes...I'm still disabled and need Medicaid. Thank you."

The call this morning was from my case manager, who said I was mailed forms. I haven't seen any forms, other than those sent by doctors. The rest have been bills for what I MIGHT owe if insurance doesn't pay, which I can ignore because insurance pays for everything. Well, almost. Here in KS, they seem to want just a few extra dollars from me. Like bills I've been getting from my local clinic. They want $3 from me. My plan is to wait until they've spent that $3 in paper, ink, and postage, and THEN pay them. So, tangents aside, I asked when the paperwork is due. I was told it WAS due on the 5th. Well isn't that just perfect.

The result of this will be a rushed visit to SRS this afternoon, where I'll fill out the missing paperwork...and attach a lie to it. Yes, a lie. I don't like lying in any way. I can't even give a false compliment. (It's why I dread such questions as, "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Yes...Yes it does. It makes you look HUGE! If you had the figure of a whale, you might look good in that dress. Unfortunately, it makes you look like the Hindenburg...but with a pair of mammoth mammaries that are probably giving you nightmarish back pain." (Okay, I wouldn't go the insulting route, but...you get the idea.)) So my note to SRS will be that I'll be out of town until the 1 Oct. The truth so far. Because I'll be visiting my father. A partial truth. The entire time. There we go; there's the lie. And this is just to let them know that I won't be ignoring any possible correspondence, but that I won't be around to receive it, and that phone calls would be best.

Of course, no phone call during my time out of town will be good. I can see it now, a tender moment between Becky and I. The kisses and gentle caresses are definitely leading to something far more...athletic...and that's when the phone rings, killing the mood completely. At moments like those, I'll probably answer, "Whoever this is, you're better than a condom."

This is how I deal with stress. I poke fun at it. The timing for this deadline couldn't be worse. Had I known it was due at the start of September, I would have made note of it on my cell phone's calendar. But I didn't apply until late September of last year, and didn't have my benefits in place until some time around November or December. Or did they actually kick in around March, and this is a semi-annual thing? Oh, that'd be just perfect.

I'm off to prepare to run this lovely errand. Becky, my love...If you don't see me about, and manage to find this post before I get home, know that I'll be looking for you on Skype when I'm back from running around the world.

Wait. If I can run around the world, why am I bothering to take a bus to Becky? Why haven't I visited her more often? Oh, I'm a terrible boyfriend!

*runs off weeping in shame*

1 comment:

evan said...

I was reading xkcd lately, and I had to throw this url in for this post.