Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I loved WHAT?!?

Well, I've mentioned her often enough. Now, because I discovered a recent picture of her, I will, unfortunately, introduce you to my ex, Robin. Mind you, what will follow is...ummm...well, it'll be the equivalent of my brain vomiting. But first, the picture...

Is everyone okay? Nobody got hurt while looking at her? If you did, wash your eyes with cold water and dial emergency services in whatever country you're in.

A few things to note about this picture. I'll start with Robin and work my way clockwise.

Becky's first reaction, upon seeing this picture, was, "Please tell me she was pretty at one time!" Well, I THOUGHT she was. Love is blind, though. Right? It looks like Robin has been letting her hair grow without any effort at taming it whatsoever. In case you're wondering at everyone's heights in this picture, she's 5'2", which has me wondering a few things, but I'll get to those. Meanwhile, the page where I found this claims that Robin works for AVON, which sells many things, but their focus is on beauty products. Which leave me wondering, Yikes! Does she even bother USING any of their products? Because it sure doesn't look like it! You'll also note the crutch. This means Robin wasn't wearing her prosthetic leg (on her left side) for this photo.

On to her husband, who is apparently...tall. And doesn't he just look like the happiest guy on the planet? That's got to be one of the deadest looks of neutrality I've seen in ages. It's an expression that practically screams, Please, let's just get this photo over with so I can make some quality time with my mistress. That, or, I hate my life. Please kill me. Either way, he doesn't look as happy as the rest of the family.

Now we get to the oldest boy. I'm baffled by him for several reasons. Does he look anything like Robin? Maybe the genetics are subtle. I mean, he and his brother are pasty white, just as she tends to be. The page where I found this has several references to her being a "mommy." I am left with the assumption that both kids are just chock full of their father's genes, and not nearly as many of their mother's. Another guess is that he's about 10 years of age, as he's not exactly flashing baby teeth there. (More on that last to come.)

I'm almost certain the youngest child is, in fact, Robin's kid, as he's small enough to fit into one's pocket. He's petite like his mother...well, she WAS petite...which is really a horrible word when using it for a boy. Boys shouldn't be "petite," they're "small for their age." Uh huh. The kid needs to some growth hormone shots or something.

Now I had this theory before, but I'm not sure if I've discussed it. I can go back and read half of my blog posts and think, Wow, did I write that? I vaguely remember such events happening in my life. If it wasn't for all the commas, which I blatantly abuse, I'd think someone else wrote this stuff. So this is why I question whether or not I wrote something...which is just a tangent to avoid the fact that I've been fairly upset over the theory I have.

That oldest child. He looks to be somewhere between 10 and 11 years old. And that age fits my time line in a rather distressing manner. You see, Robin left me on 16 January 2000. So...was Robin cheating on me toward the end of our relationship? If so, was she actually pregnant when she hopped out of my life? Or did she get pregnant shortly thereafter and leap into a marriage with Captain Happy, there? The latter implies she was already seeing someone when she left me, and that...Well, it all boils down to yet another woman who lied to me during a deeply involved relationship, and that has me pretty upset.

Am I so foolish as to be blindly trusting every time I fall in love? I still had some changes to go through back then, but I'd already been preaching openness and honesty when I was with Robin. Maybe that's why Robin tried to hop off with her wedding band, the one I'd bought for OUR wedding; she was looking to save money on rings for her upcoming nuptials with tall, dark, and "elated" up there.

I'm upset, not because I lost Robin, but HOW it all went down. I was abandoned. And now it seems that I was abandoned with her using lies to do so. Oh, I'm sorry. ROBIN didn't lie to me; her FATHER did, as he was the one who sat me down and explained that the relationship was over. Robin actually said very little during our final encounter. Whatever the case may be, there seems that there was no honesty involved in it. It looks like I was replaced before I was gone, and that's a blow to my already diminished ego.

I've spoken with Becky at length about such things. She's stated that she's different from all of my exes. Funny, but all of my exes were going to be different than all of the exes before them. In the end, they all turned out to be the same. And here I am, in worse physical and emotional shape than I was back then, thinking that I'll be able to make it work with a woman who is 18 years younger than me.

Oh, but Becky IS different from all of my exes. She's the first to realize that saying the words isn't enough. She recognizes the fact that actions speak louder than words. Thus, she has told me that time will prove her right.

I certainly hope so. Because I couldn't possibly endure another fiasco like the one Robin brought to my life.

But for the record, and because I know she'll be reading this: Baby, you had to know this was coming. I had to vent to the world, even to my limited audience, about what this...creature...did to me. I'm hoping that by getting some of the poison out that I'll fell better.

Know that I love you. I love you so much that is terrifies me sometimes. If I appear to grow emotionally distant, that would be my defenses coming into play, guarding me against the terrible things that I fear may happen to me again. I hope we're BOTH right, and that time will prove this to be the love that lasts me the rest of my life. =)


"Blue" said...

Well, she looks better than me. But none look happy. Except perhaps MAYBE the older kid. And I dunno even then.

Zeb The Troll said...

Rob, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're focusing on possible negatives instead of possible, well, non-negatives if not actually positives.

To wit, you're entrenched in this "the timeline says she might have been cheating on me when she left me" instead of "the timeline doesn't really prove anything, because it's just as likely that she got pregnant up to a year after she left me".

Also, while she's not a beauty queen now, I can see how maybe ten years and two kids might have had a negative impact on what was once a reasonably attractive woman.

What you need to be doing, in my ever so humble opinion, is stop dwelling on her and let her go. You've got a great woman right here and now. What may or may not have happened ten years ago no longer matters, no matter what actually happened.

Just my $.04 (I like to think my advice is more valuable than two cents, but not by much.)

evan said...

I've got two things to say here. I'm not good with words, so forgive me if anything I say comes out poorly. I assure you that it is only meant to help.

Zeb is right. You need to stop dwelling on the past. Everything I can see tells me that this is going to work out for you. It might be possible that there was never any love in any of the other relationships you've been in, I don't know,but there is definitely a lot of real love on both sides in this one. The lengths to which the two of you have gone to be with each other are staggering. I don't know if I would ever be able to love anyone as deeply as you two obviously love each other. No matter what has happened in the past, nothing can tear you two apart.

Also, I noticed the url for the image, and had to laugh.