Saturday, November 13, 2010

Michael Cera as Michael Cera in "Michael Cera vs. the World!"

I saw the commercials. I thought, Wow...Scott Pilgrim vs, the World actually looks neat. I'll wait to buy it on DVD. However, on a recent trip to Wal-Mart, I mentioned I wanted to buy it, and Ray stopped me. "Let me rent it for you first. If you like it. you can buy it." Now, having watched it, I can't thank Ray enough. (For the record, Cody's opinion of the movie is as bad as mine, but he didn't suffer through it.)

I'm dying to know how Michael Cera gets any work whatsoever in Hollywood. In ever clip I've watched with him in it, there is one ONE difference in the characters: the name. That's it. There's an old phrase, "So-n-so couldn't act his/her way out of a paper bag." Well, Michael couldn't act his way out of a paper bag that had significant tears in it. Screw it. He couldn;t act his way out of a zen bag!

Well, I wasn't really watching the movie for him. What I really wanted to see was what Mary Elizabeth Winstead was up to lately. I find her very pretty, and a decent actress. However, when handed a crappy script and equally crappy direction, even someone with talent is going to produce crap.

The thing is that the director, Edgar Wright, gave us funny movies like "Hot Fuzz" and "Shaun of the Dead." What was he doing while SPvtW was being made? Was he even on set while filming?

Well, not everyone can produce nonstop successes, right?

What gets me is that this was advertised as a kind of action/comedy. In it, there is a scene in which the mimic a sit-com, specifically "Seinfeld." During said scene, there was a laugh-track. The entire movie seemed to need exactly that: a laugh-track. In this way, I'd at least have a clue as to what was SUPPOSED to be funny. Instead, I found it bordering on insulting. Like their portrayal of gay people. Just as we're trying to move on as a society and show that homosexuality is not something you can turn on and off, and, in turn, CANNOT "make someone gay," along comes Kieran Culkin, playing Scott's gay roommate, who apparently has the power to make straight men into homosexuals.

The entire movie came off as being incredibly stupid.

In an attempt to save myself from a day with nothing but bad movies, I sat down with Cody and Ray to watch "Jonah Hex." This movie's only saving grace was John Malkovich, who is seemingly born to play the role of evil incarnate. After that, I just didn;t care about any of the characters on screen. Even when the back-story was given, I simply didn't care enough about any of the good guys. Heck, I was kind of hoping John's character, Quentin Turnbull, would succeed, even if it meant Megan Fox and her spectacular body being killed in the process. And at 81 minutes, including the credits, this movie wasn't even worth its rental price.

The only thing that saved this day from being an utter nightmare when it came to watching something entertaining was taking in another episode of "Dexter." I'll have to go into that more at another time. Right now, it's late, and my ranting about these bad movies has drained me.

Oh...and if Michael Cera just happens to find and read this post: Mike, please stop. While some of the movies you've been in have met with success, it's NOT because of your "talent." Leave Hollywood behind and...I dunno...McDonald's is always hiring. You can use your "acting skills" to convince people to buy fries with their sandwiches.

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