Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas Adventures

This one isn't going to be easy. Nothing terribly traumatic occurred, but there were so many sexual references throughout the day that I believe keeping my blog PG-13 is going to be rough.

Becky and I started the day off early, as we had lots of driving to do. Well, she had lots of driving to do. Apparently, I had a lot of singing to do. You see, that's something Becky has brought back into my life: music. When Becky and I get into the car, I become the one in charge of the music, and I've introduced a lot of groups to Becky with whom she's been unfamiliar. Sometimes she'd know a song, but not who sang it. And as I've introduced new entertainers to her, I've been singing along. I sang so much yesterday that my voice was getting a bit roughed up.

We picked up an old character from Becky's life, but a new one to me. For the sake of a degree of anonymity, I'll call him "Floyd." He's known Becky for LONG time. He's also gay. As it says in my GitP signature, I'm straight, but not narrow. Narrow-minded, that is. What's more, Floyd had an excellent sense of humor. Add to all of this the fact that Becky considers him her "adopted brother," and that he knows numerous details of her life. Her rather PRIVATE life. He's the cousin of Becky's ex, Ed.

Ed has become a bit of a joke in our lives. He thinks he's G-d's gift to women, but the fact is that he's a TERRIBLE lover. (See what I mean about this being difficult?) It's because of Ed and Becky's more recent ex, Shawn, that I've been able to come off as an all-star in the love-making department. I've often said in jest that I'd love to meet either one so I could shake their hands and thank them for being such nightmares in bed. That, or just point and laugh.

Okay...Floyd gets into the car, and as soon as we hit the highway, Becky and I expose him to one of our favorite songs, "All Heaven Broke Loose." It's what we call a "happy, bouncy song." Our behavior had Floyd enjoying himself royally. He and Becky caught up for a bit, with me making the occasional humorous comment, and all was well.

In short order, we reached Becky's grandfather's place, where I was expecting to be tied to a chair, placed under hot lights, and interrogated. It never happened. The only emotional woes that seemed to await us was an ongoing questioning of Becky's professional choice. "Are you SURE you want to be a nurse?" And this seemed to come from a distant relation in town for a short time. While Becky became upset, as this kind of thing seems to happen too often, I got her straightened out by telling her that he's a minor character in her life, and therefore not worth getting upset over. I was pleased when I heard her saying those exact words to her mother a short time later.

I got me a gift out of the whole trip. Becky's mom and dad bought me "House: Season 6." This completes my collection for the time being. I said that it was unnecessary, but 'Nita waved away my statement as though it was a silly idea not to get me a gift. As I was opening my gift, I said that I would have liked to have gotten them gifts, but I'd spent a lot getting to PA.

Then came the drive home. Part of this involved getting Becky's cousin to his group home. The poor guy is severely autistic. We had to be on our best behavior, since we weren't sure what might upset him. So I worked to tell the tale of how Becky and I got together for Floyd. Story telling kept her cousin calm, and Floyd entertained. And once the cousin was gone...well, by then we'd reached parts of the story where others could add to the tale. I mean, I was saying how I wasn't one to tell Becky with whom she could be friends with, and Floyd said, "That makes you different from Shawn. Becky wasn't allowed to talk to me when she was with him." This immediately had me joking, "Why? Are you going to get 'gay juice' on her and turn her into a lesbian or something?" It was the kind of controlling behavior that drives people apart, AND it was simply absurd. Floyd is a nice guy who just happens to be gay. There was really no reason for Shawn to say Becky couldn't be friends with him.

Now for the best part. I'd finished telling the story of Becky and I, and we'd reached the drop-off point for Floyd. Ah, but I needed a rest room, and Becky wanted to give holiday greetings to what she referred to as "her second family." So we went inside with Floyd, and I was directed to the bathroom. Upon returning to Becky's side, she decided to introduce me to everyone.

I don't remember a single person she pointed to...because the third person she introduced was the infamous Ed. All she said was, "This is Ed," and I snorted and started laughing. I'd promised earlier not to point and laugh, and it was the concept of NOT doing so that made me start laughing. I couldn't control it. And once I'd started laughing, there was no stopping it. Becky continued her introductions, but I was done. She eventually turned to me and asked, "Do I need to take you outside?" Her tone was like that of a parent trying to reprimand a child. Well, this big kid knew he was in trouble and was willing to accept his punishment, so I agreed.

She was laughing just as much, and was ultimately pleased I did no pointing, which I was sorely tempted to do. All I really wanted to do was snort, "Ed," and do even more laughing. The tales I've heard about him tell me that he feels he has a sense of entitlement when it comes to women, and that's one of the silliest things I've ever heard. Couple that with him thinking he's "Wonder Lover," and he turns into the perfect character for a comedy.

With all of our traveling, Becky and I were exhausted. We got home and pretty much headed for bed with the intent of collapsing. We did a little more laughing at Ed's existence, and finally made it to bed.

And that, dear friends, was how my Christmas went. I certainly hope you all enjoyed your holiday, and we'll see what I can muster some time around the New year. Be well.

Oh...Becky's X-mas gift from her parents was something she'd half-joked about. Since she claims to be capable of getting lost while traveling a straight line, Becky stated she'd like a GPS. Her parents bought her a Tomtom. =)

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