Friday, December 24, 2010

The march to March

I don't know. Getting engaged seems, in my mind, to be a lot less scary than the prospect of moving in with Becky. We're getting a small taste of what living together will be like right now. By the time I leave on the 6th, we will have spent almost three weeks together. But...

...It's easy to accept things intellectually. I've told Becky that this is very much what life will be like once I move in. I'll be sitting on my tuchas most of the day, playing games, occasionally cleaning or cooking when I'm feeling up to it. Heck, I might push myself, as I've done a couple of times during this visit and still do those things, but I will be virtually useless the rest of the night, as I will have used up "all of my spoons, and then some." This is my life. It's far less than a thrill a minute. I've explained this to Becky, and she says that she accepts these facts.

But will she do the same on an emotional level after a few years? Will the same apply to me? I love Becky. I adore her. I dote on her every concern. Alas, there was an incident a week or so ago in which I grew frustrated with something quite common with Becky; she tends to communicate in partial sentences when there are multiple subjects for her attention. Well, after about a straight hour of this, I blew a minor mental gasket and almost brought Becky to tears when I explained that if she can't hold a conversation, let me go for a bit so she can finish whatever she's doing and then call me back. Will that kind of thing - the blown emotional gaskets - get worse once we share the same roof?

I guess one takes the same chance no matter where one goes, regardless of who one moves in with. I could have moved into Ray and Cody's place over a year ago and had all kinds of difficulties with their lifestyles. (Two guys living the 100% bachelor style. They either need girlfriends or the phone number to an excellent (but inexpensive) maid service.) Then again, I'm no prize myself. (My room is NOT filled with normal dust. It's, ummm...PIXIE dust. It helps people fly when they're happy!)

And now for a confession. Some people think it's a bad thing, and others don't care, but I'm a co-dependent. That is, I need to be needed. Let me tell you, for a guy with as many problems as I have, it's a welcomed change of pace when someone says or demonstrates that they require my presence in one way or another. And Becky needs me...in numerous ways. (And none of them kinky, you perverts!)

The one that motivates me most is that I think being left alone for too long is unhealthy for her. She's been left alone with her thoughts and quite a few dark memories. For such a lovely lady, life has been exceptionally unkind along the way. She's opened up to me, and my instincts started screaming at me that her living alone was both good and bad. It's good that she's been learning a few life lessons, but bad with all the time she has to dwell on some horrific experiences of the past. So she'll be alone for a wee bit longer, but my intent is to put an end to that. I will move in with her around the beginning of March. Once I'm here, she'll always have a vent. She'll always have someone to inspire her to do her very best. And she'll have a perpetual reminder that the future is hopefully much brighter than the past.

Thus, when I return to Kansas, I'll begin packing. I don't have much. I should probably go through everything and see what can be tossed out. I might even find a few things that I've been searching for since I moved. (Where, pray tell, is that pesky notebook with my screenwriting notes?) I should also invest in storage containers instead of using cardboard boxes, which don't age very well at all.

I'm not entirely sure if the guys will be happy to see me go or not. I've tried to be a minimal pain in the butt, but I don't know how successful I've been. (I suppose I haven't been THAT bad, as I've been told I could return should things go south between Becky and myself.) I think Ray has enjoyed having another set of ears that he can babble at, and Cody certainly likes having such an easy "target" around the house. And, of course, there's going to be some fun for Cody in the near future. Becky wants a desk top computer, and she knows Cody can build her a machine far better than the one I'm using at this moment. It might even be capable of playing games with the graphics turned UP instead of settings that are at their lowest possible. And Cody truly enjoys putting computers together.

So the next big change starts rolling toward me. It's been quite an eventful year. With any kind of luck, once I've moved in with my sweet, beautiful Becky, things will slow to a nice, comfortable crawl. No surgeries. No more moves. No relationship woes. Just sweet, loving bliss with the woman I plan on marrying.

* * *
Oh...a final, fun note before I go.

About a year ago, I discovered that by working with my hands, I can hopefully improve the strength and coordination of my fingers. When I discovered a bunch of LEGO at the trailer, I not only found a kind of physical therapy, but something fun to do it with.

Well, Becky knew about this. So what did she do? She went ahead and bought me a few hundred blocks of LEGO with which to "play" with. They were my late Hanukkah gift, and they were perfect. I mean, it's fun, funny, and healthy for me. I can't think of a better gift, other than receiving her love.

What's that? "What did I get her?" I spent a few hundred dollars to get to Pennsylvania to visit her. Becky's present this year was the man she loves, and she's extremely happy to have it. =)

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