It's about that time again, but this time I chose to write one of my letters to you on my blog. Why? To show the world - to announce it - how much I love you.
You know that I worry. I live in perpetual fear of things that COULD happen down the road. They are all things that I've experienced, from poor health to infidelity breaking apart the relationship. Yet it seems that no matter how I voice or demonstrate my fears, you constantly tell me to stop worrying. That you are different and that time will prove you right.
But you know what? Despite my perpetual fears, I still believe that falling in love with you was the greatest event in my life. Never before has a woman come along who has accepted me for every flaw that I could name. There have also been very few who've dared to call me handsome, let alone some of the compliments you use with me.
We often joke about the other being insane for having fallen in love with one another. I try to dissuade you from this path, as I truly believe you are my miracle. When I try to point out all of those qualities that I find attractive about you, you state how there's nothing special; that that's just the way you are. How can you not see that that's what makes you so wonderful? There are these thoroughly amazing qualities about you - loving, caring, sweet, funny, intelligent - that are all natural aspects of your very being. It's because they exist naturally, without any effort on your part, that makes you so wonderful.
This is just one of the reasons why I miss you so much. Having spent time with you, I know how amazing it is just to share the same space with you. I know that love and laughter can't be too far away whenever we're together. You bring me peace and joy simultaneously, and those are great things to a man who's been through as much as I have. When we're together, I find it that much easier to set aside my fears, because I can constantly see the love in your eyes.
Now, in about five and a half weeks, we'll be seeing one another again. This time, however, it won't be a visit. (No more bus trips!) I'll be with you to stay, beginning our "happily ever after" officially. That combined feeling of being scared and excited at once is being overcome by the latter. I'm looking forward to coming home.
I don't think I ever told you, but I absolutely love that you adopted that idea so solidly. It seems that those lyrics from Billy Joel, "I need you in my house 'cause you're my home," really stuck to us. And when you tel me that I need to come home soon, my heart and soul yearn for it that much more. We simply can't be together soon enough.
As for my fears...? Well, they should fade with time. I'm just now working on giving up the idea of trying to give you an escape route. When I mentioned it to Cody recently, he said, "Yeah, you really gotta stop that. She's taken the bait and not letting go." Sound advice from a misanthropist. Whodda thunk it?
I love you, Becky. And when I get to PA, you're going to enjoy the fruits of my last visit, but all the time. Greeting you when you come home. My feeble attempts at house cleaning. My terrifying efforts at cooking. Lying on the futon with my head in your lap while we watch whatever DVD we decide upon. And then there are the new changes, such as me pressing you to get work done for college and debating the various subjects of your classes so that you can have a greater understanding of the material. I enjoy doing these things, even if some of them aren't easy for me.
But I want to confirm something we suspected. Although I started writing this Wednesday night, it is now Thursday morning, and I was awoken by a call from the surgeon's office. The surgery for my left knee will be on 9 February, which is about three and a half weeks from moving time. I probably won't be 100% by the time we're supposed to be on the road, but...Well, being that ball of concern and responsibility that you are, you've already said it's not problem if you have to do much of the lifting...a thing I couldn't do well, anyway.
G-d above, what would I do without you? What would I bee without you? You ARE my miracle. You are the answer to a prayer I've had since I discovered girls were more interesting than baseball cards. (A fact I knew before many other boys.) You are my sweet, beautiful Becky, and I never want to let you go. As a result, I still work to command the stars to light your way and to bring the clouds down to be the softest bed you've ever encountered. As you have stated that I will never "be rid of you," I will be with you forever.
Thus, I come to the end of my letter, and my declarations of love in public. But I did this to make it clear to the whole world that I LOVE YOU! You hear it in my voice constantly, but perhaps you only hear it and aren't quite listening. That I want to share the rest of my life with you. A partnership filled with all of the love and laughter that's constantly mentioned when we talk. I love you, Becky.
Your wonderful, handsome Rob. =)