Saturday, April 2, 2011

Battle of the Bed!

It began on the night of 31 March 2011, when forces from the Republic of Beckistan crossed the boarder into Roburia. The former's invading army was aided by the kitty from Raineq. Unprepared form such an attack, the army of Roburia held what ground it could until negotiations could take place during the day.

Representatives from both countries met in the afternoon to discuss the incursion, and it was concluded that it was the presence of Raineq that forced Beckistan to seek what was believed to be unoccupied land. The Republic had no idea that it was pushing innocents to the limits of the land, and the sole occupant of Roburia was almost shoved off a cliff. Since Raineq could be relocated with relative ease, it was deemed important that such a thing occur so as to keep the peace between the two nations.

Alas, on the night of 1 April 2011, without orders from the capitol, forces from Beckistan once again attempted to invade Roburia. Whether ot not Raineq was involved this time remains unknown at this time, but it is suspected that Raineq once again took land in Beckistan, forcing its denizen to unconsciously seek open bedding.

We'll keep you updated as often as possible, with casualty lists, fatalities, and the political ramifications of conflict.

I suppose this is what we get for believing we could get by on a full-sized bed. We'd done it before, but those were during visits. Now that we are growing more comfortable and falling into our natural habits, it would seem that Becky and I are officially fighting...in our sleep. And the fight is for bed space.

It doesn't help that her cat, Raine, is a bit on the heavy side. I joke that the cat weighs 300 lbs., but it's not true. She could only weigh 290 at the most. =P All kidding aside, Raine must be close to about 16 lbs, which makes for a big kitty. What's more, Raine likes to stretch out when she's comfortable. She'll jump onto the bed, find a comfortable crook somewhere in Becky's sleeping form, and snuggle in, occasionally stretching out while doing do. The important thing to the cat is to be close to "mama."

But in her sleep, Becky feels as though she's being pushed. She starts relocating, gravitating toward the center of the bed. Becky isn't frail and petite, as many of my past girlfriends have been. Becky is my height, and very much so shaped like a woman. (Oh, such lovely curves!) This results in her eventually occupying the center of the bed, leaving me with less room to sleep.

On the first night, I sought a resolution to the problem, that being to attempt to "spoon." Alas, Becky was quite comfortable with her legs bent at acute angles; something my legs don't do comfortably for very long at all. I ended up lying on my side, facing away from her, and praying I wouldn't eventually be evicted from the bed altogether.

During our "negotiations" the next day, it was decided that if Raine sought comfort next to Becky in the night, Raine would be evicted. The problem, of course, is that Raine seeking to be next to mam didn't necessarily wake Becky. My lady-love was reacting in her sleep. And I, myself, would only become aware of the situation when I'd try to reposition myself in bed, only to find myself colliding with Becky in less-than-pleasurable ways.

Somehow, I had a feeling that a full-sized bed wasn't going to be enough. We had room to roam when we slept at the various motels during our "Rob can only visit" stages. When we had to get by on a full-sized bed, it was because we had no choice, and we somehow maned to make it work. Now Rain wants on the bed, too. And Nike wants on the bed, when she can get away with it without warring with Raine. The issue is that a larger bed wasn't really an option. This apartment is limited in size. Becky had enough difficulties rearranging the furniture to accommodate bot of our possessions, and a larger bed would make this place feel that much more like a sardine can.

So until we train ourselves to kick cats off the bed while we're asleep, the Battle of the Bed will continue. Pray, my friends, that there won't be any casualties.

Be well, all, and DFTBA!

1 comment:

Zeb The Troll said...

It doesn't matter the size of the bed, Rob. That just means it takes longer to travel from one side to the other, but the travel will happen.

Look at the bright side, though. You two can eventually learn to evict the kitties to the floor. We have to occasionally share with a 30 pound toddler who's, shall we say, an active sleeper. There have been times we both thought we were going to be kicked from the bed, on opposite sides!