Friday, April 22, 2011

I don't mean to harp...

...but this right ankle of mine has me quite concerned.

I went and saw an endocrinologist last Wednesday. (You'd think that'd be a little more important to report than watching a good movie.) She saw my ankle and wanted to know if I'd set up an appointment for a podiatrist. I said I did, and that appointment is coming up on Monday.

What seemed to upset me most was the SIZE of my ankle. It's as though someone replaced the joint with a softball. The doctor also noted that it was red, while I further noticed that it was warm. These would normally be deemed signs of infection, except that it's known I have Charcot's foot. And it's just...

Well, the problem is this. It can take many months to treat this condition, which may well include a cast. One of the things I was hoping for when I moved in with Becky was the ability to go for nice, long walks and talk about...whatever. Now I fear our talks will have to take place in bed, with me in an immobilizing cast, and me just being miserable because I can't actually do anything.

Mind you, I take great pleasure from doing what little I can. I feel good about myself, and life in general, when I'm able to have dinner ready and waiting for when Becky gets hoe from work. (I make such a lovely housewife, don't I?) The meals are simple and quickly prepared, but it's still something. Instead, I'm being presented with a condition that has great capacity to feed my depression. I get to feel even more useless than before.

This makes me glad of two things.

First, that I left the guys behind in KS. They were great, and very understanding of my illnesses. Still, this virtual need to babysit me shouldn't have been their job. That should have been a loved one. Someone...I dunno...like a brother, perhaps? Instead, when I was supposed to seek refuge under the roof of family, my brother flipped me the existential bird. Had I moved there, I would have been in even greater trouble. So, while I'm thankful the guys were there for me during the trials for the year and four months I lived with them, I'm also glad to have relieved them of such responsibility.

Alternatively, I'm glad to be with Becky. Not only is her level of caring obvious, but there's also the amount of love she feels for me. How she remains so patient under the circumstances is beyond me. When I came here, things were supposed to improve. Instead, they took a massive backward step when my foot decided to start becoming completely unglued...almost LITERALLY!

I've been at the computer long enough, folks. It's time to get back to bed and keep this foot level with my hip to reduce swelling. I just...I just wish my life had started down a better path, instead of one so frightening and frustrating.

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