Tuesday, April 12, 2011

We were due

It started yesterday when Becky got home from classes. She got started on cleaning the dishes, which she's done before...but this time I actually saw her in the act. Our sink has two sections. There's the left side, which is larger and often filled with all of the dirty dishes. The right side is half the size of the left and OCCASIONALLY empty. Becky washed the dishes and not rinse them right away, but place them in the right section of the sink.

This almost had my jaw drop. Clean dishes...back into the sink...that isn't quite clean?!? The verminophobe in me wanted to scream. (My fear of germs comes from so many infections throughout my life.) So I made a comment that she was doing it wrong, to which she replied, "Fine. You do the dishes, then." She rinsed her hands and walked away to do her homework, leaving the chore to me.

Well, they needed doing, so I did them. When I got to the main living area/bedroom, she had her ear buds in and working, so I didn't interrupt her. Instead, I settled down to watch some programs on Hulu. And it was during an episode of House that my brain decided I should have an anxiety attack. I popped half a Xanax and then...brushed my teeth. Yeah, I don't understand it either. I've been having greater and greater oral issues, so I used that moment to brush and rinse my mouth with this truly grotesquely flavored, viscous Novocaine wash. (That's viscous, not vicious.)

I guess I was in there a while, because Becky came knocking to see if I was okay. I told her my state, adding that I needed to go sit down. I thought she was avoiding me, so I called her to "the futon that's probably forgotten how to be a couch." I further told her that I could use some cuddling and talk time. So we relaxed and had us a chat.

Sharing every intimate moment on this blog shouldn't be the norm, so it's not going to happen this time around. Suffice to say we talked a few things out and, for the moment, all is well between us. Not "as well as it can be." All is well.

No, this post is about the fact that we were due to have some kind of blowout. Compared to how it could have gone, this was EXTREMELY mild. No raised voices. No throwing things. Just me and my beloved having a disagreement.

The anxiety attack...? Well, it COULD have been triggered by the whole thing with the dishes, but I can't say that with any conviction, as it wasn't on my mind when I started feeling "trapped." And "trapped" is the only way I can describe it. I felt trapped in my own skin, which probably doesn't make any sense to someone who's never felt it. What's more, this strange sensation only increases for me, which is why I required medication.

Back to Becky and I...Our greatest "argument" to date has been who'll pay for what. Fast food, groceries, things for our home. It's more common for us to be silly and "fight" over who loves who more. (Try not to puke on your computer.) My personal point of view is that the couple that doesn't argue is probably in trouble. They're not discussing issues, bottling them up, to the point that they end up exploding when least expected. And it tends to be the little things, too. The dirty dishes in the sink, the toothpaste uncapped in the bathroom, or the clothing in a heap NEXT TO the laundry hamper. Such things have probably ended as many relationships as have money issues.

So...13 May marks a year for me and Becky. In all that time, we haven't had a "real" argument. Now, to an extent, we have. And while having such disagreements aren't fun, I'm glad we had it. It let's me know that we're doing just fine, and that we have a chance to make this last for the forever that we crave.

And to my sweet, beautiful Becky...Thank you for holding me when I needed it. Thank you for talking with me. Thank you for listening. These are the REAL reasons I love you, and not because you have a great pair of..."assets."

Now that that's out of me, I have a pair of texts that still require my attention. I've been trying to meld two different versions of the same story into one, and it's resisting my efforts. I'm gonna go take a hammer and chisel to the words to see if I can't make them fit properly. Be well, all, and DFTBA!

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