Sunday, June 12, 2011

LEGOsapiens

Becky and I are up early this morning because she has to be at work on mere minutes from when I started typing this post. Both of us were up at 7:00 AM, but she didn't get to sleep until midnight, and I couldn't sleep until a couple of hours after that. I don't sleep without meds because of my pesky PTSD, and while it's often enough to make me tired and get me to sleep, sometimes my brain just keeps on thinking...and thinking...and thinking.

Last night, while Becky was at work, I got hungry. I'm not supposed to be on my feet, but I had a craving for matzoh brei. That meant having to do a few dishes before cooking. And along the way, it meant using the automated scrubber I've had for a few years. (Sorry, Ray, but I insisted upon it coming with me when I moved.) When I tried to use said scrubber, it didn't work. I went to where we keep our batteries hidden...and while I found the batteries, I also found an empty can of diet root beer in the hiding spot.

When I lived in KS, we were three bachelors living in a trailer, and it looked like it. It was man/boy heaven, with plenty of electronics and movies to keep a grown man entertained for years on end...unless you're Cody, who could devour an epic video game in a single night if he puts his mind to it. And we were slobs. I would make jokes about there being animal skins and bones tossed in the corners of our "cave"...except that I think there really were animal skins and bones tossed in the corners. There were fur balls throughout the trailer large enough to actually build a fifth cat.

And so it was that I thought I'd make a humorous point. Becky and I are getting a bit lax on household duties. When she got home, I greeted her at the door, covered her eyes, and walked her to the main living area. I uncovered her eyes and said, "Welcome to Kansas!" While it was meant to be amusing, it ended up making Becky feel like she wasn't doing enough, even though she does almost everything already, and made me feel like a jerk.

There I was, late at night, wanting to sleep because the meds were kicking my butt...and unable to because I kept thinking about how I'd inadvertently hurt the woman I love.

This morning I was about to explain my desire to have a brain made of LEGO to Becky, when it occurred to me that I should simply blog about it. Then, as I was looking for prior blog posts, I realized that I'd made mention of humans made of LEGO before. Still, it seems to be worth repeating, since it's a theory I seem desperate to hang on to.

Take my Charcot affected foot, for example. It's a literal pain. My life would be infinitely easier if I could simply unsnap the bad foot and replace it with a new one. I might not have to replace the entire foot, either. Just take off the long and/or wide blocks covering the foot, removed the broken blocks deeper within, and snap my good "skin" back into place when I was done.

My brain makes for another example. Those parts contemplating how much of a jerk I can be could be removed, leaving just enough of my LEGO brain in place to perform early morning functions, and I could just get my sleep.

Taking it a step further, imagine the sociological implications of being LEGOsapiens. How many times has it been argued that men don't understand the lives of women, and women don't understand the lives of men? Well, the answers could be gleaned with a "gender modification kit" bought at the local Toys 'R Us. Ladies, you'd no longer have ground to be upset with your men after child birth when you make your husbands use "the extra fertile uterus addition" that's been made for those stubborn men who don't seem to appreciate what you've been through. You'd also finally be able to have you answers to the grand mystery of why men can't always hit the toilet when you snap on the appropriate parts for a few months. (And guys...? I think you'd appreciate the seat being down more often if you had to sit every single time!)

Imagine the unfortunate circumstances of losing your cushy desk job and being forced into manual labor. It's just been so long since you've had to work your body that hard. But no worries! A little extra muscle is just toy store visit away, thanks to the conversion into LEGOsapiens! And plastic surgeons would have to start practicing "real" medicine when a tummy tuck is handles by removing those "extra blocks around the middle."

Biblically speaking, it makes Genesis seem a lot more fun. "And on the third day, after creating the light and the dark, and calling them night and day respectively, G-d busted out his LEGO: Omnipotent Edition. And He made some REALLY cool stuff." He might not be called "G-d," would he? Imagine a world where we all worship "The Great Toy Master." The world just might be a lot more fun to live in then, don't you think?

* * *
Before I run off to kill a lot of pixilated beasts, there are a few things I should mention.

First, my computer is dead. It starts to power up, but makes no visible effort to boot its operating system. It would be nice if I had Cody around once more to fix it, but he's no longer a stroll down the hallway. I seem to recall a verbal contract stating that he would handle any issues with my computer should his creation fail me, so...Cody, if the problem isn't operator error, expect a bill! =P

On a less amusing and far more frustrating note, Becky has been suspended from work for a second time. As a cashier, they don't fret a till that's $10 over what it should be. But when it's $10.02 over, that's a problem. Becky has no explanation for why her drawer was over last night. After the first suspension, she started taking extra care, counting money three times in the process of handing back change. Still, we're thinking it might be time for her to seek out employment she actually enjoys. She's going to start looking for work at a group home, where she can be truly helping people with physical and mental disabilities.

Finally, if anyone who's accustomed to watching for status updates on my Facebook account has noticed my silence of late, that's because the security measures on FB have made it impossible for me to log in from a strange computer. I know many of my Playground friends by their Playground names. FB starts showing me pictures and asking me to name them. Even better, FB will simply show me the backs of my friends' heads and ask me to name them. Brilliant, eh? So my FB statuses will either come from Becky's account, or not at all.

Be well, all, and DFTBA.

1 comment:

Zeb The Troll said...

Computer diagnostics:

What, exactly, does your computer do when you power it up? Does the screen come on and start showing you signs of it doing self tests? Does it make a few beeps and turn off again? Do any fans come on? Does the system stay "on" and not booting or does it shut itself off again? Does the hard drive light come on?

Just as a guess, from what little you mentioned in this blog post, it sounds like it's a power supply issue.