I am not 44! I refuse to be 44! I cannot, under any circumstances, be 44!
Crap. I'm 44 today.
This doesn't go well with some of the things that course through my mind from time to time. I mean, I'm engaged to a woman who'll be 26 in just a few days. Am I not also in my late 20s? I should be. Then people who know us would have less to talk about. (Her mom had issues with it, but has started taking enough of a liking to me that she no longer "hates" me. And my Dad, for the life of him, can't figure out why I would be with someone so much younger.)
Then, of course, there's the next door teenager Becky and I have decided to hire to help keep our place less of a disaster. She's a cute kid, with the key word there being "kid." At 14, she's starting to become a woman, and that part of my head that refuses to leave adolescence behind wants to know why we can't stare at the cuteness and long to ask her out. In fact, when reviewing the "rules" for her to even be allowed over, I've told the kid that low cut shirts are out. I can't help being male, and unless she wants me staring at her developing chest, she needs to stop flaunting so much skin around it...and her mother was in agreement.
I would also still like to find a gaming group, although this is far from a priority. Being in a college town, it shouldn't be that hard. But I'm 44, and in my head this translates into my wanting "other kids to play with."
Oh, but I haven't abandoned adulthood. I would still rather be working instead of spending my days trying to write whatever it is I'm trying to write that day, as well as not playing video games all day long because that's the only thing I can actually do. Then again, working was a strong part of my youthful experience. It's where I met some friends, making it a semi-social place. I learned a strong work ethic, thanks to my father. And working meant having more money than I have now, which alternatively meant being able to go out and have more fun.
I miss being young. I miss being fit. And while I miss these things, I wouldn't give up some of the things that I now have in my life. I have a woman who loves me more than any other before her, and I love her like no other. While it's only a little bit of space, I have room to breathe financially. And while my health isn't the greatest, all the major parts are still attached, which has been an important battle over the last few months. I don't think I could possibly ask for much more.
Well, I could. Anyone out there have an extra genie in a bottle, or a winning lottery ticket they don't want?
Be well, all, and DFTBA!