To My Sweet, Beautiful Becky,
It's that time again. A few months roll by, filled with love, laughter, drama, and sadness...and through it all, you are at my side, helping me to endure. And while we still say it every day, it remains important to me that you see it in writing. That you can copy and paste it somewhere, perhaps print it out, and when we're apart for whatever reason, be able to take it out and read the words I'm unable to say in those moments.
These last two weeks have been particularly trying. Starting with the stressful visit with my father and company, to the virtual explosion online, my life has become something of an emotional hell. I always deem it a terrible thing when I have to live through such things. I become so angry...so frustrated...and usually so sad. All of those emotions bring me to the brink of tears, which I try to fight as best I can...and then deem myself weak when I'm unable to hold them back. And what made these recent experiences that much worse was the fact that you had to share in them. To see my emotions reflected back...it was welcomed to have someone to share in the burden, frightening to see such anger, and upsetting that you had to share any of it in any way.
I sank, my love. I was prepared to self-destruct in terrible ways. But it was you - wonderful you - who held me together.
Even without my promise to you, your very presence was enough to make me rethink any of the tainted thoughts that went screaming through my head. Just having you here, with you willing to hold me...kiss me...talk to me. All of those things made enduring these hellish weeks bearable.
Most treasured were those moments, every night, when we could "assume cuddle positions," and just hold one another close and talk. Venting about our now shared troubles. Or you diverting the conversation to our plans for the wedding. The corny jokes that would slip from my mouth to make you laugh and return a smile to my face. There are times when I could well be advertised as an "evil genius." If such a label were given to you, it would be that of "loving genius." Because even when you weren't trying, I felt loved.
I'm sure you don't mind, but an open note like this needs to make mention that my love is not saved for you alone. There are numerous friends out there who also helped me through the most recent drama. Their love and laughter also helped me through what has been a most trying time.
That said, they should not take offense when I say that it was you, my sweet, beautiful Becky, who kept me in one piece. I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through all of this alone, and can no longer see my future without you attached to it. You keep telling me that I don't need to do this often, as I essentially wrote you a 50,000 word love letter last November. Still, there is a part of that letter that stands out, and I choose now to paraphrase what was said there.
Becky, I honestly never thought the day would come; that something would occur to keep me from living a lonely existence for all eternity. Then my life stumbled upon yours, and you changed my life forever, as I now know, without doubt, that there will never be another woman even close to resembling you. You are my heart...my mind...and my soul. And I vow to do all in my power, despite whatever odds, to keep our lives filled with life, love, and laughter. Long before the vows are to be made, I will honor and cherish you until my dying day.
I think that about covers it for now. I know you're waiting for me to finish this so we can get to our evening cuddles. And believe me, my love, I am looking forward to it, as I usually am every night.
With an excessive amount of love,
Your Wonderful, Handsome Rob