Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Because being in love...

...is all about sharing, right? I mean, when I was being hospitalized, Becky shared the experience with me as best she could, becoming worried enough for the both of us. A recent Facebook post from me about our anniversary turned into an online pissing match by her "aunt," who decided to call me a "moron" and to "feel sorry for Becky" because she was with me. And my beloved shared my outrage at this woman's utter stupidity. (Becky's "aunt" had yet to make a humorous or happy post to her wall, which was rather pathetic, really.)

Ah, but all of that is entirely too serious as I now tell you that which Becky decided to share with me. I deem it a true demonstration of her love for me, as she chose to freely give over that which was truly from deep within her very body...a cold. Cough...congestion...itchy nose. I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am that she felt the need to donate viral microbes to me.

Now I feel as though a truck has driven over me several times. Forwards and backwards, mashing my body until I'd rather stay in bed and moan. As it is, I'm notorious for occasionally croaking in a childish manner, "I dying." This usually prompts Becky to say, exasperatedly, "You're not dying."

But I am. I'm sure of it. This cold will be the end of me and she doesn't even care. I'll have the last laugh, though. I'll die from this cold, and she'll be miserable. So...HAH!

Actually, I was reading my posts from a year ago, and I must say I was really quite the sap. Page after page of all that "lovey-dovey" crap. What was I thinking?!?

Ummm...Probably all of the things I think about regularly. I am so in love with Becky that I occasionally FEEL it! (I know, right?) This is astonishing to me because I'm a bit on the emotionally stunted side. My psych meds tend to subdue certain emotions, which unfortunately doesn't cover anger...but then I have Xanax to keep that one under wraps. It probably also has a lot to do with my past, which has seen me beaten emotionally over and over again. I'm oh so guarded against leaving my emotional heart defenseless, as I believe I will forever be afraid of having it broken again. I'll probably stop believing she will hurt me in such a way when I die...which should be any day, now, what with this cold and all.

But I *DO* love her. And when her "aunt" proclaimed that she felt sorry for Becky for being with me, I became enraged. This woman...she graduated from nursing school and recently received her nursing license. Along with several others, I congratulated her, and she chose to complain back at me...and just me. (I said something about Becky doing well in her pre-nursing courses, and this got the crazy woman started.) Then, on the wall post in which I celebrated being engaged to Becky for a year, this woman chose to start taking my jokes about me not wanting "nurses who scraped by with a C starting an IV in me seriously. She started lecturing me about the grading system, and I went and made more jokes, because the original statement wasn't serious to begin with. (Does anyone honestly pause to ask what kinds of grades a nurse got in school?!? Apparently, this woman thinks I do. To this idea, I say, "DUH!") And so, to a couple of sentences ending with an emoticon, =P, she chose to start calling me names.

Oh, I was pissed! (I'm getting angry just thinking about it now.) And what made me angriest was the idea that I would somehow make Becky suffer through school. Me, the guy who helps her study. Me, the guy who reviews anything she has to write. (I do no rewriting, but make suggestions on what could be fixed.) Me, the guy whose first reaction to Becky making the dean's list was to call her mother. Yeah, I'm going to really make Becky miserable.

[/rant]

I love Becky, totally and completely...or as completely as a guy whose emotional circuits are malfunctioning. I will do anything and everything in my power to see her happy. My one great wish at this moment: that she wouldn't share things like this cold with me. Because, now..."I dying."

Be well, and DFTBA!

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