Tomorrow is the pre-surgical visit with the podiatrist, in which we will be discussing the surgery details. That means there'll probably be a post tomorrow about those.
Meanwhile, Becky and I are trying to prepare ourselves for the week to come, in which we won't be around one another perpetually. Since moving in six months ago, we've grown accustomed to the presence of the other, and it's a comfort to know someone is always there...that someone always cares about what's going on in your life, and is constantly asking about you.
It would be very different if we were constantly clinging to one another. Her ex, Shawn, was like that, always busting her chops to do something with him. We like to do things together, such as watch movies and play games...but we don't have to be in constant contact with one another, which is what her ex essentially wanted. The only time we seem to get "clingy" is when we're shutting down and cuddling.
And it's cuddling that's become the problem. In the last month, it's become a nightly ritual. It's our time to be selfish and share our day with one another. Concern...tenderness...comedy...They all come to the fore once we've taken up our posts for cuddle time. When I'm in the hospital, there will be a serious interruption to our nightly ritual, which is distressing to both of us.
What's more bothersome to me is my interpretation of "never go to sleep angry." I don't say those words, but I insist that there be a goodnight kiss before we roll over and drift off to sleep. (Our most comfortable positions are facing different directions; her on her side, with me on my back or stomach because of hip pain.) Sure, we can have a kiss before parting ways while I'm at the hospital...but it's not the same as a kiss before heading directly to sleep. I want my kiss goodnight from her. I NEED my kiss goodnight from her!
Last night, as we cuddled, I tried to think of ways for us to get the doses of love to which we've become addicted. I could always sneak out to a door where she'd meet me, regardless of the hour, and get what we need. Maybe we could get therapeutic permission for her to spend the night, with my doctor signing off on orders that Becky and I be permitted to drift off to sleep in each other's arms. Then, of course, there's Becky's plan of "accidentally" getting beaten up and having to be hospitalized, and we could arrange to share a room. All but the first would probably not work, and the first isn't quite the same as what I'd have at home.
Thursday is probably going to be the roughest on Becky. I'll be having the surgery around mid-afternoon, and probably spend the remainder of the day in a medicated daze. She, in turn, will have classes all day long, well into the evening. At best, she might be able to get in a few short visits, but she won't be able to spend as much time with me as she'd like. And I've been adamant about her attending classes. "No time off. I don't want you missing material that may turn out to be important." I even added, "I know it'll be hard, but I want you concentrating on your classes. I know you'll be worried about me, but this isn't going to happen under general anesthesia, so the risks are reduced. Keep your head in class."
Easier said than done, I'm sure.
The great comfort is that we know the love is there. We started officially dating on 13 May 2010. Then, while still enduring a long distance relationship, we got engaged on 24 September 2010. Yeah, it seemed a bit rushed, but I didn't want this one getting away from me. I was moved into her place - OUR place - by 12 March 2011. The affection and communication haven't faded in all that time. NOTHING has faded in all that time. Our home is still filled with life, love, and laughter.
Here's hoping the hospitalization will be short.
Be well, and DFTBA!