Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The end is nigh...again.

For all intents and purposes, I've been in a fairly steady depression. I don't go out unless there's a specific need. My appetite is an iffy venture at best, with me having only something that resembles dinner each day, or downing something to treat low blood sugar. I'm more easily annoyed of late, sometimes by the simplest of things. And I want to sleep...A LOT! Even when I'm awaken by pain, I try to find a position less painful and attempt to go right back to sleep without painkillers. These attempts are always failures, to which point I am awake while I wait the meds to kick in...and the whole time, I'm wishing I could simply be asleep again.

You see, when I'm asleep, I don't experience the ongoing stress of being trapped in this occasionally functioning body. In my dreams, I've flown, outraced the police in daring chases, performed superhuman feats...and some of the latter weren't in bed. (Nudge-nudge; wink-wink; say no more.) Oh, many of my dreams represent the frustrations I experience in the real world, but I leave the symbolism to my subconscious, and try not to dwell on it when I'm awake...which I wish often wish wasn't so damnably frequent.

Today was like any other. Becky resisted getting out of bed for as long as possible, slipping out the door just in time for her to get to class when the first one started. In her rush to get out the door, she forgot her phone...again. (I love you, baby! Stop doing that, please!) I paid a visit to Hulu to catch up on "House" and "The Daily Show." I wandered to those sites I regularly peruse. And then, realizing that I was suffering my usual aches and pains, with a bit of cramping in my becasted foot/leg, I popped a Valium and laid down.

The reason I took the Valium and not the Soma, (a muscle relaxer), is that the latter doesn't do much for the anxiety I often feel when I realized that I am, in fact, trapped in this cast. Tomorrow makes it 18 weeks in and out of casts on my right foot, with the time out of them spent waiting for a new one to be put on. Really, there was no significant time spent out of the cast. If we go by months, then this Saturday will make it four months of casting. I have every right to be going nuts, and have been doing so in my usual fashion.

I was what I will call "partially asleep" when my phone rang. I was still not quite conscious when I answered. It was some woman calling from the orthotics lab at the hospital almost an hour away. She was calling to let me know my diabetic shoes with the brace were in, and -

I let out a stunned gasp that had the poor woman thinking I'd stepped on thumbtack. I then started babbling excitedly, as her seemingly routine phone call meant freedom for me. Freedom to shower without wrapping my leg in a garbage bag to keep it dry. Freedom to go for walks again. Freedom to not need ropes and pulleys so Becky and I can -

PG-13, Rob. PG-13!

I tried desperately to get in this week, but they didn't have anything the coincided with Becky's school schedule. But Monday...MONDAY! That is the day when I will be released from this fiberglass prison known as a cast, and I will have the freedom to...WALK! And SHOWER! And -

PG-13, Rob. PG-13!

Anywho...I wanted to share the good news. I will finally be "paroled" in a week. I'll simply try to sleep most of that time away.

Be well, and DFTBA!

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