Sunday, November 20, 2011

Too much stuff in my head

This is a problem. A serious one. Because I want to get my butt working on my book about diabetes, but I'm perpetually distracted by one thing or another.

For starters, I see irony in the fact that my writing about diabetes was disrupted by the complications of diabetes. Oh, I got a little writing done during that time, but my head was often filled with, I hate this cast. I hate this cast. I hate this cast. In fact, just the thought of the cast and how it disrupted so much of what I was doing in life irritates me. The apartment fell into greater disarray. Intimacy between Becky and I went out the window. Showers became a much less frequent event. And let's not forget the pain I experienced, along with the occasional muscle cramp.

The cast came off, I got my new shoes, one with a brace, and my right foot...blew up. This time it wasn't just the ankle. It was the entire foot. Following the line of bones down from the big toe, right in the middle of my foot, an old break began to cry out in agony, as though someone were shoving shards of glass into that area. The swelling also affected my toes, giving very little room for the skin in between them to breathe. So as an added bonus, I developed athletes foot, which burns like fire.

I was supposed to become more active once I had the shoes. I even planned to start walking, which I gave a few tries. But then there are other old pains, like surgical sites and the like, that have started reacting to the increasing cold and all the precipitation we've been getting around here.

My personal life was not going in the directions I'd hoped once I moved in with my beloved.

Enter the world. I don't like what I'm seeing out there. The government seems intent on shutting down half of the internet. What's more, the government hasn't drawn party lines, but dug party trenches, and are fighting each other over every little thing, passing some of the dumbest legislation along the way. (Really...how important was it to have Styrofoam containers for their lunches over biodegradable cardboard? Who cares if "in G-d we trust" appears on our money, so long as it still spends?) The government is stall, and I believe it's because no one wants to work with "the Great Compromiser," President Obama.

I can see it now, as millions of senior citizens who have been rooting for the Republican Party suddenly find drastic cuts to their Medicare coverage. They'll be shocked, and start shouting about how this was not what they wanted...But that's what you've been screaming for. Don't you remember? You and your grass-roots nonsense have been wanting less interference from the government. They'll eventually have it and won't be happy...and manage to blame the Democrats, because they're just that smart.

Add to this the crimes that are being committed against our youth. The bullying that leads a kid to think of no other solution that suicide. The infamous rapist and what I deem his accomplices. White collar crimes, with the rich trying to get richer by stealing from their own companies or from investors. Executives taking bailout money as bonuses for a job done poorly. These are the things that keep popping into my head, and make me wish I had some magical power to fix this oh-so-broken world.

Not to mention my friends, who've faced their own crises. Ray's father dying. Julie's grandfather dying. Sophia losing an EMT friend to...something. Various friends combating their own illnesses, as well as struggling with issues of poverty. I want the power to fix their lives, as well.

Alas, there's no genie in a bottle, and no magic wand that'll cast a "fix-everything" spell.

Somehow, I manage to have hope. I still love Becky, even if we've been having a hard time of things lately. Julie's kids are a wonder, and I pray there are more parent's like Julie, with more kids like hers. And if all else fails, there's always Nike, snuggling up to me, simply wanting love. It helps when my brain is overloading.

Here's hoping that in the near future, I'll be able to get back to work on my book. I keep meeting people who, as soon as I mention I'm a diabetic, say that they know someone who isn't taking care of themselves. This book is NEEDED rather badly.

Be well, and DFTBA.

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