Well, folks...I've enjoyed writing this blog for the last three and a half years. I've used it to hold discussions about technology, philosophy, politics...but have mostly relied on it to vent my personal woes, and hope that there would be some kind of feedback on what's troubling me.
But yesterday brought about various conversations, and it turns out that freedom of speech can be threatened by those close to you. The idea that I might say something hurtful to those not meant to even know this blog exists will, apparently, be cause for me to experience a world of emotional pain in the future.
I made apologies. I also made promises. And for me, a promise made is a promise kept. That almost no one reads this blog anymore is of no matter. I can't speak my mind for fear of slipping, as that would bring me more trouble than this it's worth.
I gave this quite a bit of thought since I made my calls yesterday. The result was a full-blown reaction from my depression. I slept for many, many hours today, refusing to get out of bed for fear that I might have to think further. This blog has been a rather important journal, in that I can get feedback from those whom I know around the world. You see, many think I'm a wise man. But I thoroughly believe in the philosophy of Socrates, "the Wisdom of Ignorance."
Socrates heard about many a wise man, and would seek these men out and debate them. He would eventually tear their supposed wisdom apart, destroying whatever argument they might have. Eventually, Socrates came away with this though: The only thing that makes me a wise man is that I don't honestly believe I'm all that wise. Since the wisest of us seek wisdom from others, that's what I've tried to use this blog for...with moderate success, I might add.
I've also used this blog to vent my frustrations, and crow to the world about the love I've found.
Those days are over. If I keep this blog, I might slip. If I slip, then "the traitor amongst my readers," (not actually listed amongst my readers, for cowards don't actually like to be known well), might well go running to others, and then I get punished for having spoken my mind.
On a bigger issue, this means that writing The Suicide Note: Memoirs of an Insulin Dependent Diabetic is postponed indefinitely. I can't risk permanent damage to my future because one "man" refuses to grow up and face reality.
So this is it. The end. No more blogging. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone. I assure you that you're not nearly as upset as I am. For those who wish to discuss this further, I suggest you contact me on Facebook, where I know people not under my friends list cannot read my wall, write to me, or complain like overgrown infants (with poor spelling and grammar, too boot). I will not take this down, as there are bits and pieces of my adventures in the world that might be of help to someone out there. That said, with an explanation in place...
BE WELL AND DFTBA!